feli & i
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wynne, faith , and I
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eunice & i
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english group pic
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and cutesy wei wei too..
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and lil wynonna too
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im gonna miss lil ethan.. so cute :)
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the chinese bois
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ryan & i.. jeff in the background
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steve & i.. haha
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dorothy & i
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danit & i
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tonite was the grad dinner for Timothy fellowship @ wcbc..we had a nice dress up dinner for all the grads.. and tho i wasn't graduating.. they included me in the list.. cuz well i'm leaving windsor.. and it was really nice..and lots of fun.. haha.. mad picture fest.. everyone took so many pics.. and it was nice seeing almost everybody get dressed up.. cuz normally we're all like sweat pants and flip flops.. hehe :P

kinda made me realize.. that my time here in windsor is soon to be over.. im leaving on i believe the 24th .. and im gonna miss all my friends here.. :( i've gotten to kno some of them quite well and its kinda sad to be leaving..

i dunno when i will see them nxt.. the fellowship is having a retreat in toronto sometime in june/july.. but then i'm not here.. and by the time i get back from hk.. they'll all be in skewl.. and i dun kno if ill have the time to come down and visit..

im gonna miss certain things in windsor.. skewl most def not.. but ppl yeah.. :P

so i've been dealing with a dilemna for the last lil while.. and things are so complicating..
i mean.. i thought i knew exactly what was going on.. in regards to where i was going and what i was going to study and wut not next year..

but as things seem now.. i have no idea.. well i kno where it is i wanna go and wut i wanna do.. but things dun seem to be going too smoothly for me.. main thing being..theres a very big hurdle in front of me.. and im at a stump as to what i should do.. theres basically 2 options

1) do what others are telling me... i dun piss anybody off or hurt anybody's feelings but then i kinda end up hurting my own feelings.. forcing myself to do something i dun really wanna do

2) do what it is I kno i want to do.. but resulting in people's disappointments, anger, confusion, pissed off.. and the list goes on.. i mean im not the kinda person to seriously want to do something that will hurt other ppl's feelings..

now what the hell am i suppose to do? i dun wanna be selfish and just do what i want to do.. but then at the same time.. i kinda realized that i'm at this stump because i didnt really voice my opinions back in the day..

to be honest i've never really been someone to want to go against everybody or in another words.. im kinda a follower.. have always been tho sometimes i dunt act it.. i hate being alone.. not being in a group.. i've always kinda rather be a silent member of a group than being the very active leader of the group..

and i find that often because of that i get myself into situations that i dun necessarily enjoy and miss out on the things that i do..

during the last year of high skewl.. just like any other graduating high skewl student.. i contemplated on my life.. what was i to do after graduation.. what did i want my career to be.. etc.. all those questions.. unlike some ppl.. the answers weren't clear to me at all.. i honestly didn't really know..

i mean.. academically wise.. i never was all that bright.. i mean i had alrite grades.. but i wasnt smart or anything.. i wasnt all that good at math and sciences... i worked my ass off in those classes and hated every moment of it.. i was obviously not gonna be some mad scientist or mathematician or something like.. i enjoyed my language classes but learning too many languages confuse me.. so no English or Spanish or wutever language major.. i wasn't too good at remembering dates and #s.. absolutely SUXED at geography.. so no history major/geography/classics/politics.. etc..

basically it came down to the one thing academically i was good at in skewl.. music.. i pretty much didn't have that many options when looking for programs at skewl.. music.. and music related..
and i thought
man i would sux as a music teacher..
i dun think i would survive being a performer
music history?? sux at memorizing #'s and dates and wut not..
music therapy? i guess thats kinda works.. using music to help ppl.. sounds kinda fun.. i guess i could that..


at the same time.. i had always loved to make food.. specifically desserts.. i have always loved to eat and make them.. i had done my fair share on research in regards to entering the culinary arts.. and it seemed kinda kewl..

when presenting the options to my parents.. basically.. the typical chinese response.. be a engineer or a lawyer or an accountant or something.. something belonging to the "si" class.. and since both of my choices didn't belong in that class.. the response well wasnt too positive.... but one thing was clear. music therapy was definetly according to them a better choice than culinary especially for a girl..

and i mean tlaking to other ppl about me n music therapy.. everybody seemed so keen on me doing it.. they all thought that it suited me well.. and me being so easily coerced.. i just went along with it..

i let the decision of what to do for the rest of my life lie in the hands of others.. im not blaming my parents or friends or whoever for this.. i blame myself.. i didn't say what i needed to say or do what i needed to do.. because of my somewhat shy nature, afraidness of being singled out.. my easily pressured self.. i ended being where i am now...at a stump..

and now once again the question of me or other ppl comes up again.. my decision??? their decision??

what i want?? what they want??

the answer seems easy to make.. textbook answer: do what please yourself.. but life is always so much more complicating.. if only life were easy.. doing what i want hurts the ppl around me.. doing what they want means doing something i dun think i wanna do..

i dun kno what i do.. i sometimes just wish life were simple.. and the right answers were always so evident.. right in front of us.. but lifes not like that.. it never is..

i dun really even kno why i'm bloggin about this.. i guess its kinda be itchin to be said.. i mean its been bothering for a long time.. and i find that sometimes just letting it all get out in the open helps to make me feel better..

Confuzzled Sindy leaves her note

tagboard is up.. feel free to leave me a message :)

It bothers me that people always assume that whatever I plan on doing, I'm not being serious about.
It bothers me that people treat me as if I was a child.
It bothers me that people don't take me seriously.
It bothers me that just about everybody is against whatever it is I have to do, or want to do.

I mean.. is it really that hard to take me seriously??
Why is it that everybody thinks i'm stupid or something.. i do have the ability to think about the things i choose to do.. i have the ability to make my own decisions..

for once in my life.. i feel really really strongly about something and everyone just blows me off.. its my life and its my decision.. please for once just respect that its what i want to do.. respect my decision.. and STOP telling me its wrong.. STOP saying that you're right and I'm wrong.. cuz u kno wut.. U DON"T KNOW THAT.. no one can ever really say that they're always rite..

URGH

i really need to get this off my chest..


OMG!!! i really need to learn how to drive.. i really need to pay more attention to the things around me while i'm driving.. and most of all.. I NEED TO LOOK AT MY MIRRORS more often..
geez.. before i hit something again!!!

i hit someone's car today.. i had one of two choices:

1) hit and run
2) leave a note and tell them

and u kno wut.. #1 was really so tempting.. i really wanted to.. i mean.. if i had just left and not said anything.. i wouldn't have to pay for the big dent in his car.. OMG

but after some contemplation.. i decided to leave a note.. and i left.. and after i left.. i kept on thinking.. hmm maybe i should go and get that note back.. i really dun wanna pay.. and i really dun have the $ to pay.. and idun want my insurance and wut not to go up..

but i ended up going home.. and the guy emailed me.. and we have to talk about his dent.. geez.. of all cars to decide to dent.. i dented a friggin RSX.. and its huge friggin dent!!!!! HUGE i tell you.. a dent that will take at least a good $200-300 to get fixed.. at least!!!

but the thing that bugs me the most of all about this.. is i really wanted to just hit and run.. i mean i could have easily done it..

i mean.. i'd always thought of myself as someone who wouldn't do something like that.. or even think of doing it.. i mean.. being the person i am.. having being brought up the way i have.. i would have never actually thought i'd consider it.. and even consider going back to get the note.. OMG.. seriously.. sometimes i surprise myself.. and not necessarily in a good way..

urgh.. now i definetly need to find a job .. to pay off that guy.. i dun even kno how much exactly that stupidity of mine is gonna cost..


frig.. i am so stupid sometimes.. i do the stupidest things sometimes.. man .. i seriously think that i should lock myself in a room sometimes.. to keep me from doing the incredibly stupid thigns that i do.. URGh

haha.. tonite just made me realize how stupid and blonde i can be sometimes..

i spent my last friday nite in toronto with some friends.. eating jap food @ taste of japan and watching constantine @ colossus

normally.. eating jap food with friends doesn't make me look like an idiot..but i went with some of my high skewl friends who hadn't tried teppanyaki b4.. so there i was with my friends.. and they asked me some typical questions when they're trying something new.. u kno.. like.. whats this food taste like?? how do you eat it?? etc. etc.. and i was so dumb.. i was like.. uh.. i dunno.. how do u hold chopsticks?? uh.. i dunno.. what do u mean u dun kno how to hold chopsticks?? ur chinese.. and ur.. uh holding chopsticks!!! haha.. i'm such a loser..

and then theres also.. oh.. sometimes they do these really kewl tricks that the chef guy sometimes does with your food.. oh really?? like what.. um.. they like uh.. u kno.. um.. do that burning thing.. burning thing?? what do u mean?? they burn your food?? ... yeah u kno.. they like burn it.. wait.. no.. whats it called.. whats what called??... they like.uh.i forget what its called.. torch ur food??set it on fire.. oh oh yeah.. thats it.. they set ur food on fire..

and to top it all of.. we went to see constantine rite.. and for those who've seen it.. theres a scene at the beggining where it shows these two guys in mexico.. and i dun what was wrong with me.. maybe it was the tiredness... or the extremely alcoholic strawberry daquiri @ taste of japan.. but i was sitting there looking at the screen.. and i said really loudly.. OMG what did happened to mexico?? and everybody at the theatre is just looking at me really weirdly.. i guess it doesn't make much sense.. but let me explain.. the scene shows this dilapidated town.. kinda.. like 2 poles and 2 crosses.. the building has like fallen apart. and all it says @ the bottom of the screen is "mexico".. so i'm like what happened to mexico? OMG is that what mexico looks like in the future?? and my friends are like.. uh.. sindy.. i think they mean just a part of mexico.. and i was like.. uh.. OH.. woops.. lets just say.. ppl @ the movies thought i was like psycho or something..

and for those who have seen constantine.. you'll kno that the movie is quite confusing.. and it doesn't really explain much.. so the whole entire movie.. i'm like huh?? what?? why did he die?? or like?? what happened to gabriel?? huh?? is he like in hell or something??

so yeah.. i spent my friday nite being a very ditzy dumb chinese gurl.. i will say that.. according to my high skewl friends.. i should have been born a blonde.. cuz i'm not exactly the brightest crayon in the box.. hehe

:P

ah.. its been a good few days so far since coming home from windsor...

friday: hung out with jo.. went to pacific.. went to mikes.. played some poker with ppl.. man i missed hanging out with ppl.. especially since some of them i dunt normally hang out with.. lots o fun :) got to see jess lam.. hadn't seen her in a long time too..


saturday: slept till like 4pm.. haha.. such a pig.. i hadn't shoveled the snow since i got back.. nor had it been shoveled since my parents left.. woopsee.. so matt came over and helped me:) yeah.. how is it, it took him only 20 mins to do my whole driveway when it normally takes 3 ppl 1hr to do it?? huh?? wuts going on there?? then went to korean bbq with d chris and matt.. haha.. now you're devirginized .. hehe.. glad u had fun.. mini golf.. haha.. i beat u all !!! wohoo!!! even tho we all cheated really bad.. except chris. ever so honest.. then demetres!!! woohoo.. i luv that place.. hmm strawberry waffles!!!

sunday: didn't up getting home like 2am .. so slept till like 11.. sorrie mcbc ppl.. missed seeing u guys b4 u all went back to skewl. my bad.. i promise i'll see u guys soon :)
had lunch with my aunt .... got to chat with her for a while.. yea :)
i miss having good chats

monday:didn't do much once again.. didn't wake up till 2pm.. was planing on not waking up till even later.. if not for a stupid visitor.. urgh.. y some ppl just wont give up.. and now i have a damn 2nd degree burn on my hand..
frig.. wont stop calling.. wont stop showing up.. wont stop messin up my life.. GIVE UP ALREADY!!!! geez..
went to medical centre to get burned checked out.. got oil change on my car.. and just hung out @ home..
went to have night snack with Cy.. happy 19th birthday.. boo urns.. all the english dessert places were closed.. :( oh well.. went to go for tea.. had a nice lil chat.. thanx.. haha.. ur still watching tv @ my house while i'm typin this :P

my plans for the rest of the week
tuesday: going to watch constantine with the windsor gurls.. just hanging out :)

wednesday: not much so far

thursday: possibly girls nite out with krystle and d

friday: gonna attempt to start on my ethics paper.. hmmm.. lets see if that actually ends up happening..

saturday: more working on paper.. maybe get together with some ppl..

sunday: leaving around 3ish for windsor.. the end of my reading week...

but i think i'm prolly coming home again in mid march.. :)

aah.. had the best weekend in the longest time....

went to london on thursday.. hung out with jo & the alma girls... and jo.. Sound of Music Is SO SO SO much better than stargate!!!! haha

friday morning.. went back to toronto... haha. mad funni.. mad snowing in london.. 2 seconds outside of london.. clear blue skies :) man gotta love the canadian weather.. saturday was lydia's bday so friday nite eveyrobdy was @ her house for a surprise bday party. aaww... gotta luv lyds!!!! haha.. she even has a blog now.. she finally conformed hehe..

happy 21st lydia!!!

saturday nite.. was lots of fun.. went to thai food by york with all the cds ppl.. me, d, chris, krystle, ariana, jason, leppo and frankie.. ariana was back!!! hadn't seen her in so long ... 2 years.. :)

went down to tonic afterwards. so much fun.. definetly need to do that afterwards..

sunday: drove bro to pacific .. hung out @ pacific with jo.. then watched nba all stars @ lydia's.. mad piggin out.. me and jo.. & the maxim cakes!!!! HAHA.. SUCH PIGGY WIGGYS..

monday: long long drive back into windsor all by myself.. even so.. this weekend has been lots of fun.. hung out with lots of ppl.. ppl i haven't seen in a long time :)

goign back into town again on thurday .. my reading week officiaily starts on the 28th.. :)

even tho this weekend has been so so so much fun.. there have been its bad moments..
saturday nite.. i acted out b4 thinking.. and now i feel so embarassed and stupid about it.. tho in some ways i shouldn't but in other ways i do... :(
its hard to explain.. but definetly feeing stupid rite now..