things come and go.. part of life is to learn to deal with the sudden change... being able to live life having certain things.. and being ok with it when its taken away from you

i guess lifes hard that way... often.. when u want it the most.. its never there... and no matter how hard u try to get it...it wont ever come... no matter how much crying and pouting.. and screaming.. and fighting for it.. it still wont come.. just simply b/c the times not rite.. or its not meant to be..

and sometimes when u feel like u dunt need it.. it shows up rite in front of you.. like its flaunting you sometimes.. it really suxs when its like that.. it really does.. it makes u wonder... why couldnt you have been there just earlier?? when i needed u most?? now that i dunt need you, you come.. and whats the point?? whats the need now??

for me... at least...i find myself very angry b/c of this.. i can never bring myself to think that life isn't in my hands.. it never was.. and it never will be.. nothings in my control.. i have no power to change anything that ever happens.. im ignorant and stubborn that way..

tonite has been a bit of a revelation for me.. just sitting in my room thinking.. and listening to a chinese radio drama....made me think a lot..

i was listening to ŒÜ?¯‹‰“I‰Æ (5 star family) on 881903.com and the story really touched me.. it made me realized that life can be so confusing.. yet so good to you in ways u never thought.. in the example of the story.. the mother and her father had always fought..the father had always tried to do what was best for her daughter..but the daughter never knew.. b/c she thought that he was just stubborn and didn't care..

last few weeks of my life have been that i guess... a lot has happened.. and going home for christmas.. i dreaded talking to my parents.. i didn't wanna tell them that i had failed them.. i was afraid of the consequences of what might be.. so i kept on ignoring them.. kept on changing the topics.... but rite b4 i left.. i had no choice.. they brought it up.. and the whole time they asked me about it.. i kept thinking in my head.. why do u care?? its not ur life.. u have no rite to control my life.. and what choices to do with my life is my choice.. not yours.. but now...

i realized that life can be confusing.. sometimes true meanings are hidden.. and wut is visible... may not be the whole story.. i now realized.. that my parents have always had my interests as their top priority.. they have always wanted nothing but the best for me.. and i always thought the worst of them... thinking that they were bossy and controlling..not wanting to let me grow up and be independent..but that was all totaly wrong!! they weren't like that.. not at all!!

unfortanetly in the story.. the daughter and father didn't get to fix their problems.. and overcome their misunderstandings till his deathbed.. im lucky enough to realized this now.. while i'm still young.... and can have many years of happiness with them..

my realization: no matter how much ur parents seem to be controlling ur life.. trying to protect.. shielding you.. from anything and everything.. THEY DO HAVE ONLY YOUR INTERESTS IN HEART!!! they dun want you to get hurt.. they dun want you to have to experience pains.. they dun wanna see you cry.. see u hurt.. they kno how much it hurts to have to life regrets.. they dun want the same for you... so i guess..

Be grateful for the things your parents do for you!!!