sitting through a 3 hr workshop today made me wonder..

should i really be a part of this team if my heart isn't in it?
i mean.. there is a reason for standing there every week.. in front of everybody..
and i kno what that reason is.. i just dont really know if i believe or agree with that reason..

the others.. the rest of the team is there .. for a majority of the time.. because they believe in the reasoning..

but i don't really.. and i haven't really for a long time.. and most of the team knows.. but.. i guess my whole problem is..

am i being honest? and am i being responsible??

i'm not in this for the rite reasons..

i will admit.. i do enjoy being there.. its made me closer to those around me.. i enjoy the company.. and just being there.. but does that necessarily mean its ok for me to be there despite my not being there for the right reasons??


i guess it mite not make too much sense .. since u don't quite kno the context..

on the other hand.. the only reason as to where i am now is because i kinda got pushed into it.. i joined to do a simple task.. but was in a way pushed up to a higher level with out my consent..

and i guess i never bothered to say anything about it to the ppl in charge.. but i found myself always complaining and regretting not saying anything

in a way

it just makes me wonder.. how many things in life do we participate in, go to, do, say... all for the wrong reasons??

are I being true to myself, my "teammates", others around me, the community?

in a way.. going to whatever it is, doing whatever it is, saying whatever.. its all lie.. we're not really in it.. we're just doing/saying/going for the sake of it..

so what exactly is to be done?