Promises

what exactly is a promise?

Definitions:

1. transitive and intransitive verb vow: to assure somebody that something will certainly happen or be done promised to come promised that the patient would recover

2. transitive verb pledge something: to pledge to somebody to provide or do something promised them a kitten

3. transitive and intransitive verb make somebody expect something: to cause somebody to expect something The sky promised rain.

4. transitive verb assure or warn somebody: to assure or warn somebody that something is true or inevitable Things will be fine, I promise you.

5. transitive verb affiance somebody: to engage somebody to be married ( dated ) She told him that she was promised to someone else.

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i didn't really use to think so much about promises.. the ones i made.. the ones other ppl made for me.. for others... i mean.. i didn't think about it into any depth.. i'll admit that i've made my fair share of broken and forgotten promises..

and i never really thought about how much it hurt..

till now.

it hurts the most when its the ppl closest to you that break their promises.. your family... your bestest of friends.. and it makes you wonder.. whether they really meant it when they made that promise to you??

i can't help but wonder.. am i even important to them? by the fact that they don't remember the promises that they made.. does that mean the things i've said to them and them back to me.. does that mean that they weren't listening or never cared?

i guess the one big thign that brought this whole thing up was this weekend..

halloween.. i'm normally not one thats big on halloween or anything.. but.. this weekend .. i had previously planned on going to london.. i had planned this back in october.. with all my high skewl friends.. during thanksgiving.. we were planning to all go in.. and one of my best friends.. promised that she would let me kno what was goign on.. she knew exactly how i felt about being left out in the loop.. and why?? because she was one of the ppl that i always went to.. cried with..
she promised that we would do something together.. whether it be we go to london.. or i go home.. or she comes here.. didn't matter..

and then mid october.. she says that she can't do anything for halloween for family reasons.. and thats perfectly fine.. i understand that..

but

WHY IS IT THAT I JUST FOUND OUT THAT SHE WENT TO LONDON WITH HER BF TO MY OTHER HIGH SKEWL FRIEND'S HALLOWEEN PARTY???

1st of all.. we've been talking all this time.. and she never once mentioned to me
2nd.. all of my other friends knew about our agreement and they didn't say anythign to me either..
3rd.. she says she 's my best friends.. but actions speak louder than words..


she of all people should know how i would feel about broken promises and being left out.. FUCK>>>

and to add on top of everything.. i found out.. and i asked her, her bf.. my other high skewl friends.. they're stil pretending it never happened.. WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO LIE???

perhaps its the lying that bugs me the most.. i wouldn't be so upset if they just told me what happened flat out.. i'd still be mad at them but i wouldn't feel so betrayed.. i'd get over in a week max.. and then it would no longer be an issue.. but now.. i just feel like i don't kno them anymore.


don't get me wrong or anything.. i'm not saying i'm perfect or have never broken a promise.. hell i've done tat more times than i can think of.. and i'm not proud of it.. but thats the truth.

and why in life?? if theres one bad thing happening.. it always seems to attract a million others.. life is harder enough as it is.. i don't need more things... i'm just so tired with life.. and all of its problems.. sometimes..

now don't get me wrong.. i'm not in any way suicidial.. or wanting to take my life.. but

its so hard that sometimes i just wanna give up.. give up on myself.. on others.. it just doesn't seem to worth it anymore.. life is supposed to be meaningful.. life is suppose to have a purpose is it not??

what exactly is mine then??