counting down the days... 25 more days till i'm home and 27 till christmas.....

sadly every time i start counting down, it seems like the days are farther and farther away. there's not much standing in the way of me and those 25 days: simply 2 exams and working. and i really do wish i had decided to go home early instead of picking up extra shifts, but i know its for the best for me to stay up here. this will probably be the first time i'm home for the holidays for such a short period of time. i hope i end up getting to hang out with everybody and see everybody before i come again because the next time i see them again will probably be thanksgiving 2009.

ive kind of got my rest of 2009 planned out already.. its quite busy and if it goes as planned, 2009-2010 will be my last year in canada for a while. i'll be back again in tbay come beginning of january.. school and work till reading week. going to montreal/tremblant. and then back to tbay for school/work and then exams. after exams i'm heading off to hk for the summer.. prolly gonna head straight for tbay after or stay in hk till mid sept, head to nyc for cousin's wedding and then back to tbay.. come christmas, i have no idea where i'll be.. as i will no longer have a home back in toronto. might stay in tbay, maybe go back to hk, might bum @ somebody's in toronto. finish the year and then head off to hong kong for good.. thats the plan at least for now.

a lot of it all rides on what i decide to do about school. i haven't quite decided if i wanna just do a B.Arts or a Hon.B.Arts in Music. i'd be done a whole lot quicker if i just did the B.Arts.. convo june 2010 or Hon.B.Arts in Music.. convo 2011/2012 depending... i don't know if i really wanna a music degree.. geeez here i go again.. i can never seem to decide what to do. irregardless of what degree i chose, i'll end up doing the same thing anyway. so the dilemna is whether i want to do an extra 2-3 yrs of school for a type of degree that i wont necessarily be using anyway, a type of degree that wouldn't particularily benefit or be of any more advantage.

so i don't know. i don't even know why exactly i'm ranting tonight at 1am. perhaps i'm jsut being like always and procastinating. god knows i should be studying for an exam i have on monday or even sleeping instead of bumming around watching tv, movies and surfing the net. oops

its coming up.. not as soon as i would like.. and its sad that this year i wont be home for it.. but hopefully i'll be doing something exciting up in tbay for it..

my birthday wishlist:

not that anybody is gonna buy any of these things.. but i like to make a list none the less...


Billabong Hoodie
Roxy Luggage Set
Roxy Shoes
Winter Boots
Coach Violet Clutch
Coach Magenta Carly
Coach Berry Wallet
Tattersall Bracelet
Coach Ring
Coach Ring
Leehom New CD - which my sister has preorder for me already!! yeah miranda...
Winter Boots in Moonlight Ivory
TNA Cowichan Sweater - my mommie bought this for me already .. how nice :P
Nikon Coolpix 10.1MP Digital Camera (P80)
MacBook . i thought i'd never say it.. but i've starting liking the mac
Sorel Winter Boots in Kettle.. cuz winter up here is freakin insane....


not much else to say.. i'm gonna go bake a cake now.. hmm.. chanterelle's chocolate souffle cake sounds good...

having a good prof really means everything. understanding means u don't hate the course as much. which for me means i don't skip class as often. i have realized i am not as dumb as i think i am. a prof that is able to explain things in a efficient and coherent way definitely helps a lot. i understand music theory a lot better this time around.. and as a result, i find myself not as bored in class, not as wanting to skip class.

on the topic of skipping class, to be honest, i'm still finding it hard to get my butt out the door and walk to class. especially when its monday morning, or its a night class. more so when its cold outside.

did i mention that its only like 10 degrees avg up here? complete with harsh winds, it really feels like winter has started up here. the wind up here is like 10-20km/h on a normal day. just this past weekend, it was -4 degrees at like 9am. it was excruciating to have to walk 10 mins to the bus stop, and then again for 10 mins from the bus stop to work.

i don't even want to start imagining what the winter up here will be like. according to the weather network,

january's temperatures range from -20 to -8 with winds of 15km/h and up to an avg of 43cm of snow. i think i might just turn into a snowman. complete with a big furry jacket, furry boots, and big furry hood.

i am definetly looking forward to going home to toronto this weekend, where the forecasted weather is suppose to be 14-19 degrees..

i'm glad to be goin back to toronto. i miss my chinese food.. i miss my sushi.. i miss my calbee potato chips :P there are no good places up here for chinese food, no chinese grocery market :(

only another 40 or so hours to go..

i have officially moved to thunder bay.. unpacked and everything..

despite the fact that its so far away from everything i know and everyone i know, its not actually too bad of a place..

its quite peaceful and beautiful here.. i have an awesome view from my room... my housemates are nice..

starting to think my choice to come was good...

evidence of such:

in a span of 4 hours, i managed to gain credit for all my past windsor credits, change majors, and basically complete 1.5 years of university.. HAHA.. sweet....

in the span of a day, i've completely unpacked, got my ISIC card, bus pass, applied for work study, applied for jobs, and started my readings... WT????

yes that is correct.. i've actually broken the book seal and started to read..

maybe, just maybe... i'll go to my first class tommorow :)

i am so confused..


about school
about life
about family
about friends
about the future
about work
about money.

for once, i'd like to make a decision, be sure of it, and then have nothing else in the world change so that it would stay correct. dream that's never going to come true.. yes i know.

it just really bugs me that no matter what i do, i always end up at the uncertainty, doubting stage.

when will i ever figure things out?

to this day i still dont understand..

why are we always attracted to things that we know are bad for us..
we're always so tempted by things that we kno we shouldn't do....
one would think.. with age and wisdom.. we'd learn to think beyond those things...

yet strangely enough.. i find myself in that same situation over and over again..
i kno i shouldnt.. yet i can't help it..
it hurts too much.. yet i can't break away..

all the pain and tears and stress.. its not worth it. and i know that..
but something as simple as a phone call.. and that all doesn't seem to matter anymore..

why haven't i learned?
why am i still doing this to myself?

so weird.. this time back.. everything seems so out of place.. i feel so awkward in canada.. but i shouldn't tho..

skewl doesn't feel right this time around.. my friends @ skewl seem really different.. its like we somehow grew really apart over the summer.... i seem to forgotten everything i've learned in skewl.. my interest seems to somehow have dissipated....

it feels awkward being home.. home doesn't feel like home....driving.. the roads seem different.. i don't really kno how to explain it all..

its kinda like.. somehow i don't really belong here anymore..

wuts up with that??

i've lived here for 90% of my life.. and yet strangely enough.. after living somewhere else for 4.5 months then coming back.. i don't belong anymore??

WTH?

its been a really long time since i left toronto.. and i'm really really excited to go back.. 4 days !! WOOOOOHOOOO!!! tho these last 4 months in hk have been loads of fun.. i miss toronto.. and i miss all my friends.. i miss my house.. i miss having my own room and bed :P

but most of all.. i miss the peace and quiet that is CANADA..

i'm so looking forward to taking the TTC and not having some greasy old man breathing down my neck.. looking forward to walking down the streets of T.O and not having ppl bump into me.. or slap me with their bags ..


i'm excited for school.. i can't believe i said that.. i've never been much of the nerdy type.. im excited for classs.. and getting to make more yummi cakes n stuff.. looking forward to being with my fellow chefs.....

but b4 i come back.. still got some stuff to do..

1) finish some last shopping.. contemplating whether to buy a 100GB hard drive for my laptop..
some CD's and DVD's.. some books for my mommie..some tools for skewl

2) dinner and drinks with the co-workers.. desserts with euds..

3) taking my lil cousins out to play one last time before the summer is over

4) meeting up with my ex-aunt and my cousin..

5) trip to stanley with victor

last but not least

6) gotta figure out how to pack all my crap into 2 suitcase.. they've jacked up the prices for an extra suitcase.. friggin $150US .. no way.. i thought about mailing but 30kg will easily cost me like $85CAD..




coming home soon.. yeah!!!

been back for 3 days short of 3 months.. coming back in like 51 days.. i'm excited... i miss toronto.. i miss all my friends.. i miss my house.. i miss having my own room.. i miss driving.. so much that i miss......

dun get me wrong.. i luv hk too.. i've been having fun.. doing lots in hk..

it happens every year..
from sept - aoril/may.. i miss hong kong and all my hong kong friends..
from may/june - sept.. i miss toronto and all things torontonian...

life has been pretty good...

working six days a week.. avg of 4 hrs a day.. im enjoying the relaxed atmostphere of the centre i work at...liking the kids...

loved hanging out with some torontonians in hk..

went out shopping with jo and cy in mong kok.... gotta love how jo is so complete lost in hk.. haha

saw some movies with cy....

ocean park with sammi and cy... my one and only touristy day so far.. and prolly gonna be the only one.. hahah :P we went on like one of the hottest possible days... sweated like buckets.. omg..

lunch with euds...good chats

drinks and meeting up with some old friends.. godo times

weddings galore... family trips.. playing with the lil cousins..

its been loads of fun.. and more fun to come...

friends bday drinks... beach fun.. junk boat trips.. more karoake.. more teaching.. more shopping.. :) yeah


thats enough of an update i think.. got class to teach in like 10 mins..

miss u all :)

so i've been back in hk for about a month now.. not much has happened.. haven't done anything too excited.. gone shopping.. spent some $... bought some clothes.. bought some shoes .. hung out with some friends.. watched spiderman3. (WASTE OF $$$$$$)

on a good note.. i found an internship spot...

story about that...

i was suppose to intern at this new japanese fusion restaurant in central.. i went to my interview with the exec chef.. and we started talking.. and he was this really really nice british guy.. he started telling me about his experiences in the industry and wut not.. and even tho in the end.. he decided that his soon-to-open restaurant was too busy to have an intern.. he went out of his way to call up a fellow chef friend of his to see if their restaurant was interested.. SO SO SO NICE of him.. and it worked out great..

i now have an internship spot at TRIBUTE.. his friend's restaurant.. its in lower soho.. still central area.... its a small california cuisine restaurant.. opened by a architect..small kitchen staff.. only 5 other guys.. all of whom are really funny and willing to teach :) yeah :) one of them is even kinda cute :P hahahha.. so i'm interning there from now till end of august 3X a week

still gotta find a part time job tho... so broke :( had a few interviews but they weren't quite what i was looking for.. so gotta keep on looking

leaving for a thailand trip in a lil over a week... with my fam and my aunt, uncle n 3 cousins.. haven't travelled with them in like over 10 years.. going to bangkok and river kwai.. :) gonna get a nice tan.. hopefully...excited.. cuz we get to sleep in those river huts at river kwai lodge.. haha :P



not much left to say :P

hope all of you ppl out there are having a good summer.. miss u guys

YIKES!!!!

time is running out and i still have so much to do..


3 exams left.. my 6 hour pratical, my nutrition, and my baking theory..

i'm not too worried about my nutrition or my theory.. but i'm totally freaking out for my pratical..

my pratical was suppose to be a 9 hour exam split between 3 days but beacuse of me leaving early for hk.. i got reschedule to write it this coming sunday 6 hours straight.. which in a way is good thing but in another is a bad thing..

good: get it done and over with in one day, less stress ( only one day of stress), only have to complete it in front of chef and not ppl from the industry, not completing the full exam ( only certain tasks)

bad: less time to pratice.. a very very stressful weekend.. no help from friends.. waking up really early on a sunday


i'm gonna need lots of luck.. wish me LOTS!!!

thought i'd gross you all out ..



i'm a klutz.. i sliced a chunk of my fingernail and the skin underneath in class..

it was worse yesterday.. bleeding and oozing with red skin.. better today.. pics from today :p


enjoy

if there's anything that bugs me the most.. i'd have to say it was ppl's attitude toward so called blue collar jobs.

plumbers, technicians, garbage men, maids, butlers, etc. and most importantly to me chefs.

it reallly pisses me of when ppl just automatically assume that people who have choosen those professions have only done so cuz they can't choose anything else.

i mean.. what's so wrong with all of those jobs that ppl really feel the need to insult us?

example.

a: hey. long time no see.. how have u been?
b: i've been good. what are u up to now?
a: i go to ....... university 4th year.. finishing.... degree. how bout u?
b: oh i go to george brown. i'm studying to be pastry chef.
a: pastry chef? u need to study to be one?
b: yeah. it's quite profesional and challenging.
a: Oh. (stutters for a bit) but anybody can make a cake.
b: its really not that simple.

im seriously just so tired of having to explain myself. so tired of having to defend myself to ppl. don't get me wrong. i love what i'm learning. i love proving ppl wrong about this. i love seeing their faces when i say some hardcore pastry term and they're all confused..

but it still bugs me. i mean you wouldnt go ridiculing a doctor, a teacher, a social worker, a lawyer. so what makes u think u can go ridiculing a plumber, a waiter, a chef?

life suxs..

i no longer have my own car..
my jobs are in jeopardy..
my body is deteriorating in more ways than one.. and not even just because of the car accident
i'm losing faith in myself..
i'm losing faith in others..
life has become a mess..


ppl keep on telling me its gonna be better.. things will always work out.. but i really dun feel like it will.. life just keeps on getting worse for me..


its like i'm falling into a hole.. and i don't even kno where the bottom of this hole is... at least.. if i knew where the hole was.. i kno how much worse its gonna get.. but its so dark.. i dunno kno much more of this i can take..


URGH

Why can't I break the cycle??
Why can't i just correct the wrongs?

just like clockwork.. the time comes again.. .. i find myself committing the same mistakes.. i promised my parents.. i promised my family.. i promised my friends.. and most importantly... I PROMISED MYSELF.. but why is it i can't seem to make things better??and each time i find myself getting worse and worse..

its been 4 years.. and i still haven't gotten any better.. in fact.. i've gotten much worse.. and each time.. i find myself making promises to do better.. trying to figure out ways to correct things.. it just doesn't seem to work..

each time it happens.. i just feel worse and worse.. i disappoint those around me.. they lose faith in me.. i lose faith in myself..

and yet uncontrollablly.. the cycle just continues..

i've run out of options.. and ideas.. and i just really don't know what else there is to do..

perhaps its time to just give up.. give up on this.. give up on trying.. give up on life itself..

overall.. a pretty good christmas break.. got to hang out with lots of ppl.. got to eat lots of food ( a lil too much.. haha ).. got to buy lots of stuff.. :) been good.. and this new year is going off to a pretty good start..

since school ended for the semester.. i've done lots.. gone bowling with the gbc folks.. gone to marche with the piggy.. gone shoppin way too many times.. bought too much stuff.. gone to kbbq.. gone to all u can eat jap buffet.. had 2 christmas family turkey dinners.. hot pot twice.. baked :P yeah gingerbread men.. yeah chocolate cake..

a few more days till school starts again.. still got a lot to do.. gotta grocery shop for girls dinner on thursday.. mmm food... piggy wiggy dinnner on saturday nite :)

then school starts.. time for a new semester.. gotta try a lil harder this semester.. did alright last semester.. could have done much better.. me n my stupid procastination and lazyness..

i do apologize.. this blog is slightly random and not coherent..

56 days since i started my new schooling at george brown.. and i hafta say i've learned a lot..

i've learned:
baguettes
white bread
whole wheat bread
sugar cookies
spritz cookies
pies
tarts
puff pastry
brownies
yule logs
gingerbread
and much much more..

but if there's one thing thats most important..

that is:

if u really enjoy something.. the amount of time and effort spent into it no longer matters.. all that seems important to you will be.. ur doing what u enjoy .. u understand it.. u love it..

so if u ask me now.. was the 3 years wasted away at university worth it??

i'd do it all over again if i can continue to have many more days of this happiness and fun :)

for those who know me.. i'm not really much of a person to volunteer my weekend aways... stay at school voluntarily.. attending class (hahaha)

but the me now.. i actually go to class.. ( well 90% at least).. volunteering at school... hahah



I LOVE THE NEW ME!!! :) :) :)

if there's one thing i enjoy most about birthday weekends.. being able to eat and drink as much as i want.. without at all feeling bad about it.. hahah..

i definetly ate a good amount this week.. and drank a good amount at that too :) weeeeeee

thursday.. started off with all u can eat korean bbq.

friday.. shopping and random snackage with JJ.. everythign from ice-cream to popcorn, to candy to coffee.. haha.. then k nite.. drinks and food

saturday.. lunch.. made myself a lunch consisting of rockets popsicles.. bacon.. ice cream and cake.. yes sad.. i kno... then HUGE dinner @ flo ... wild mushroom soup, with buffola and tomato crostini, sea bass as main dish.. creme brulee for dinner.. and then yummy yummy bday cake..

sunday.. breakfast with my mom at coras... mmm.. waffles and bacon and eggssss... lunch at baton rouge with fred.. huge huge piece of chicken and veggies.. all u can eat japanese buffet dinner with my parents..

urgh.. i feel so fat and bloated rite now.. soo full :P hahahah

and just like clockwork. it comes to that time of the year.. and just like all the rest.. i dread its arrival.. for most ppl.. its one of the happiest times.. but for me..i hate it..

i hate having to worry about it. i hate knowing that nobody remembers.. nobody cares.. i hate how im always left out..

this time of the year just makes me wanna crawl into my bed and not come out for a week..

i always hoped that i would one day be good enough for it.. good enough so that ppl cared.. and so many years into my life and im still not..

i hate this time of the year.. and i just wish it would all go away

so my friend has got me on this thing.. click on the links and pick 5-6 either positive/negative words about me...

fill out my nohari window

fill out my johari window


thanx guys :)