its beeen a while.. the last few weeks have been very confusing, yet also very enjoyable... strange yes .. i know

confusing: trying to rearrange my life.. straighthen things out. .figuring out what i've been doing wrong.. reprioritizng my activities..

i've had a sudden change in heart.. about many things.. i mean.. ive kinda tried to avoid certain things in my life.. just simply because i was afraid of what has happened, what might have happened, what would happen, what might happen.. and now that i look back on it.. sometimes i screwed up really badly.. and i didn't necessarily have to.. b/c of my fear, i couldn't see the logical answer..

and if i had.. i guess my life would have turned my differently.. i dunno whether for the better or for the worse tho.. i guess it doesn't really matter what the past is about.. a lot of things made me realise.. the past is the past.. ur mistakes in the past can't be changed.. u can however change how the future will be..

there are many things i kno that i need to work on:
having faith in myself
having faith in others
honesty
admitting that i'm wrong
dealing with $$$.. man i'm a chronic shop-a-holic.
relying on HIM
trusting HIM
having faith in HIM
loving HIM with all my heart
staying in the right path..
and the list could go on and on...

but on a brighter side..
life has been very enjoyable for the last little while.. at least in comparison to b4..

in so many ways.. ive realized that i've been blessed..
with a great family ^.^
with amazing friends :P
opportunities to DIE for!
just having "things".. basic necessities.. i realized how fortunate that i've been just to be able to grow up in the environment that i did. having food and clothing and water.. technology.. transportation.. loving family.. relatively healthy body with no serious medical problems or diseases.. I'm Grateful...

and i can't even tell u how long its been since i've felt that way.. i've always thought.. its not fair.. life is unfair.. y can some ppl live the perfect life.. have everything.. and why couldn't i have it?
why couldn't i have this?? and why couldn't i have that.. i always wanted more..

and i mean i still think that life's unfair and wut not.. but i've kind of learned to appreciate the things i have..

many times.. u dun realize how privileged u are.. until u see what life would be like otherwise... and its kinda sad that we only realize it afterwards.. but at least we do.. so i'm very grateful for everything that i have.. and i dun think i would trade it for anything..