finally home .. aaah it does feel quite nice to be home..
been home for about 4 days or so..
got home late 21st.. went to go see some pneumies @ gendi's.. yeah gendi!! yeah mac computer!!!yeah we luv gendi!!
spent the whole entire 22nd day.. sleeping at home.. haha
23rd.. went shopping with jo at prime outlets in buffalo.. got some good stuff. :P
24th.. slept most of the day.. went grocery shopping for christmas dinners.. last minute christmas shopping.. then went to mcbc at nite.. saw some "old friends".. well actually more like a "old friend".. hehe.. then hung out with some ppl afterwards.. hmm.. risk?? i always thought that it was a boring fall alsleep kinda game.. but its actually quite interesting
25th.. went to church.. finished "secret santa".. yeah kitchen tools :P went out to lunch with the girls.. yum yum jap food.. had some good lil talks.. short but good.. came home.. slept for a few hours.. then prepped for turkey dinner.. yum yum..
menu: salad, french onion soup, turkey, veggies, scallopped potatoes, pumpkin cheesecake
26th.. not doing much.. not going boxing day shopping.. 1) too many ppl
2) i have no $.. so sad
27th.. food & movie nite witht the girls.. more talking :) i miss that.. can't wait
28th.. hanging out with some high skewl friends..
29th.. din din at my place..
30th-31st.. i have actually no idea what i'm doing for nye.. tthats sad.. as long as i don't spend it in a car 10 ft away from mel lastman square.. i'm good :P hehe jo...
1st.. girls nite @ sindy's.. yeah food.. yeah cooking.. me n rach are so excited :) can't wait to get all the recipes going n wut not :) sweetnesss.. FOODIE NERDS unite baby!!!! ^.^


and thats all the plans for now..
will prolly put pics up tommorow

its 637 am.. i've been awake since tuesday at like 12pm... i couldn't fall asleep all nite.. but the sad thing is it wasn't b/c of medical reasons..

its just i'm so excited/happy because
1) finished exams
2) going home at 430pm today
3) gonna get to see lots of ppl and do lots of hanging out
4) christmas
5) my mommi's home :P
6) shopping w/all my girls
7) school is done for me .. until sept that is :)

yeah yeah yeah and yeah some more..

so hence i couldn't go to bed.. and so now i'm just sitting here.. i should be sleeping..cuz i do have 3-5 hrs of driving ahead of me.. depending on weather and wut not..

3 other ppl's lives are in my hands.. haha.. what made them trust me so much? i have no idea..

but b4 then.. gotta do a lil christmas shopping at the mall plus check my jan work times.. then lunch with wynne.. then coming back to the house.. gather all my stuff.. get wynne, victor and eunice. then i'm heading home !!!!!
yeah
yeah


i'll stop saying yeah..



last time..



YEAH!!!!

did i ever mention how much i HATE waking up during the nite.. crying from pain?
today was one of those bad nites.. i went to bed earlier.. hoping to get a good nite's sleep.. and then 4am rolls around.. and i'm awoken because i feel like someone just reached inside my stomach and started to pull it out from my body..

i then decided to do as the doctors say.. and just take my stomach meds.. dosage X2.. and then my ultra strong pain killing medication.. tat didn't help .. and so hence i'm awake at 8am.. finally starting to be able to feel my stomach calm down.. after way too many pills for my own good and eating everything that will help calm a stomach that i had.. including all bread, potatoes, milk, yogurt, and icecream.. and drinking like 10 cups of warm/hot water..

and to end it all.. my week had started off so well.. so happy and excited for christmas.. and just like that.. in the span of a few hours.. all of it disappeared.. i'm no longer excited for christmas.. well i am.. but just 99% less.. my whole attempting to get sleep, so i could attempt to study plan went down the drain.. cuz now if I do fall asleep, I won't be able to wake up till like 3 or 4pm which is just enough time to go to work.. and i'll be so tired and just feeling so shitty after work i wont study.. so that leaves me .. uh..

friday to study for my saturday exam
sat nite/sunday to study for my 2 monday exams.
and monday nite to study for my last final..

then i'm comin home..

despite anybody's thoughts and/or objections.. i am going to be spending the whole entire 22nd at home sleeping and eating good homemade food.. i desperately crave to be taken care off... i misss that.. i miss having my mom making me congee or chinese style macaroni when i'm sick.. i miss it and i'm not ashamed to admit it..

knowing that everybody here in windsor would be separated during xmas.. i decided to do some fun stuff with the group before we all left..

the "trio".. haha we hang out way too much.. and spend way too much $$$... and where does it all go??? desserts.. me n eunice are way too obsessed with desserts haha...

knowing so.. i planned a lil get together.. and before that all had to happen, wynne and i went to market square which is like a farmer's market here windsor.. i'd been b4.. but i always thought this place closed during the winter.. but it didn't.. which was great! damn this place has fresh meat, bread and veggies.. and my favourite!!! Italian sausages.. and the stuff was so cheap.. so much cheaper than a&p.. wynne and i vow never to shop at a&p ever again .. haha.. there was this store inside that sold freshly made pasta and pizza too.. hmm soo good.. i'd go every day if it wasnt a good 15 min drive away.. and this other place.. that sold apples n stuff.. and they sold this really really good apple cider and pies.. yum yum

what a great deal.. enough food for 8 ppl .. for less than $60

anyhow.. so last nite we had a pre-xmas dinner.. had the whole group.. minus a few..

on the menu:
apple walnut salad
honey mushroom caps (was supposed to be stuffed mushroom caps.. but for some reason my fish & crab meat wouldn't defrost.. so i couldn't make it)
garlic bread
pot roast
spaghetti n meatballs
ribs
sushi
scallopped potatoes
veggies

drinks:
OJ
Bacard Island Pineapple
Party pak of Smirnoff (green apple, watermelon, Black Cherry & Raspberry)
Boone's Berry
Zinfandel Strawberry
Hot Apple Cider

hmm definetly way too much food for 8 ppl ... but definetly loads of fun.. eunice didn't quite live up to her name.. u ate too little!!!!! and ryan.. well.. he was the feminine one once again..

afterwards.. some had to leave to study.. ended up being the "trio" + danit.. watched mr.& mrs. smith.. i definetly fell asleep.. cooking makes u way too tired.. that and alcohol on a empty stomach makes the alcohol affect just that much stronger..

after watching movie.. the "pig" started to get hungry again.. so dessert time.. hmm dutch apple pie w/Bacardi Island Pineapple.. not an amazing mix but good none the less..

man i do hafta say.. the 4 of us are rather strange when intoxicated with alcohol.. one is drunk & very very random.. one was intoxicated and very sleepy.. one was just intoxicated and well the other was perfectly normal.. haha

to sum it all up..
it was one hell of a good nite :)

and i definetly can't wait till i go home for xmas and do more dinner parties with my other friends.. so much planned for christmas.. its gonna be so great!

finally had the guts to say it all.. every last bit of it. didn't leave a single letter out.. and i guess it feels good to finally get it all off my chest.. but at same time..

it now comes down to wondering what action shall be taken next?
what is the response?
what if it gets worse?
what if this and what if that?

i feel a sigh of relief but at the same time next problems n questions arise..

very complicating and very confusing..

but i'm glad i finally had the guts to do it.. it was rotting inside me just dying to come out.. i don't kno just how much longer i could deal with it..

maybe now. life for the time being will just be a lil easier to live.

aah.. i finally got the pneumy package.. canada post suxs.. i do hafta say that..


but thanx so much ppl for the package.. greatly appreciated.. made me laugh really hard..

in regards to all the notes..
i really hope thats not what u guys think of me :(










1) i'm very very clean.. i'm spic-and-span as it is already
2) i dun have a uni brow
3)i have a very very clean room.. u can ask andy, or jon wong, or tif!!!!
4)i dun have piles of wax of my shoulders.. .. btw. wouldn't u mean piles of dandruff?? why would anyone have piles of wax on their shoulders??
5)i have LOTS of clean laundry.. not "1 & only 1" so HA!
6)i think i have fresh breath.. i brush and floss!!! so i should have fresh breath .. but then i can't smell my own breath so who knows?

MOST IMPORTANTLY>










i dun need natural source overnight comfortable laxative relief.. nor do i need antacid for anti-gas...

thanks but no thanx..

but there was one thing i did need!!! luving the kleenex.. definetly do have runny nose goign on rite now :)

in conclusion.. thank u for the package pneumatos:) mad jokes
that model pic was kinda cute lookin











can't wait till xmas.. to share that lovely food with u all.. especially gendi:P u draw funni loooking ppl

not much has happened since last blog.. still awaiting results from doctors.. still pissed off my mind from them.. but what can u do?

been working like 20 something hrs at LS for the last week or so..been having fun.. never really noticed how much chocolate ppl bought at christmas time...

promos going on.. if u wanna check them out..
spend $20+, get a box of mini 100G for 2.99 instead of 6.50
spend $30+, get 30 Aeroplan points, and a chance to win 200,000 Aeroplan miles :)

lots of kewl christmas things on display.. been eating a lot them myself hehe :p

chocolates and icecream.. so i decided that i hafta do some sort of exercise at least 3x a week for like 1 1/2 hrs or more.. too much chocolate and icecream.. only balance if i wanna keep eating


so i went today.. after working from 10-6..went to gym for 1/2hr.. did some cardio stuff.. then swam laps for 1hr.. not too bad.. i'm definetly out of shape.. got tired after like 6 laps.. as opposed to back in the day.. maybe 10-15?? i miss sports :P


then afterwards.. me and 5 of my friends went out.. to this crepe place in tecumseh.. 2nd time there.. it was pretty good.. lots of crepes and sandwiches n soups n stuff. not a bad place to go :)















i ordered the french onion soup..














and an italiano crepe- priscuitto, pepperoni, tomatoes, olive oil and garlic.. the works















eunice n ryan ordered apple blossom crepe















danit ordered the grand marnier/banana crepe


had some good fun.. theres also this shop next door.. gold chocolate.really nice chocolate shop.. i bought 2 really nice looking truffles.. one was a mushroom truffle.. and the other was a black and white truffle.. made by some san francisco chocolatier called joseph schmidt..

















































simply can't wait till xmas.. and everybody gets to hang out lots.. fun dinners.. and getogethers.. woohoo :)


18 days till i go home
22 days till christmas..

sweetness!!!

as if life wasn't bad anything..

they had to give me even more bad news.

DAMN I HATE DOCTORS!!!!

they seem to have some way of making life worse and worse for me ..


FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHH

just SO FED UP!!!!

with ppl and all their shit..
with life and skewl..
with friends and family
with myself.


makes me wonder if its really worth it?? in the end is it worth all the trouble?? sometime it makes me think that sometimes i should just give up completely..

maybe it would be easier to end it all.

i LUV visitors!!

so despite some minor changes to time n stuff. tiff and chung came to visit me last nite..tiff came bearing gifts too :P

wow.. a VISITOR and gifts!!! definetly made my day!



















man i hadn't seen tiff in so long!!!











like may.. i saw her before i left for hk and cause i came back late, i never got to see her before she went back to iowa.. it was great getting to talk to her and chung.. just about anything and everything...
haha about my fishies.. and how they're goign to name their dogs.. puddles and cuddles.. and skewl.. and life.. just good talking

they came in around 7..i cooked.. they ate..i ate

menu:
pita chips n cheese n salmon dip
butter & herb infused shrimp
chinese style- curry rice
breaded chicken

and for dessert.. creme brulee.. mmm mmm good.. haha..

had fun taking lots of pictures.. haha despite andy's request not to.. u don't look too tired in the pics chung













had a fun time calling jess on my cell phone.. hehe

and then they left :( had to go home.. but i'm so glad they found time to fit me in :P

thanx so much for coming.. i luv visitors.. u guys made my day.

Despite...

everything that has happened.. and despite all the things that i'm going through, i've learn some important things..

1) friends.. who is really ur friend and who isnt.. i realized who was really there for me when i needed it most.. and now i'm very grateful for friends and thankful that i have the MOST AMAZING group of them out there! in the midst of midterm season and paper season, they took the time to message me, call me, send me letters and email.. to check up on me.. see how i'm doing.. sending me their love and words of encouragements..

the best of all.. it has bought me and them closer together.. things that i was once afraid to admit.. things i was once afraid to say.. i now can.. i can do so knowing that they love me for who i am and are not judging my character, my words, my actions.. because i am who i am and they accept me for that..

ppl that i never really thought would care so much.. they have SURPRISED me!!! so incredibly much.. ppl that i once thought were more of just simple hi & bye with the occasionaly chat kinda friends.. they turned out to be a WHOLE lot more than that... they in turn ended up being people who cared more than others.. thank you.. you've made me feel a whole lot better about all of this..

and in return.. all my loving friends have me want to love them back more and more.. its a cycle i guess.. show me love and i'll show others the love that you've shown me :P

2) more about myself ...for the longest time.. that was one of my problems.. i was so afraid of what others would think of me.. what people thought.. i always did what i thought others wanted of me.. for the sake of.. not pissing anybody off.. i wanted to be liked.. i wanted to be loved by others.. not in the sense that i wanted to be the center of attention.. cuz if u kno me.. thats not who i am.. but just.. i was so afraid of not being loved..disappointing others.. failure. . and in the end.. it only bit me in the ass.. i ended up being totally afraid of doing anything and everything b/c i was afraid of failure.. i didn't want to fail.. in fact i COULDN"T fail because if i did... what would people think fo me then?

i've missed out on a lot of opportunities because of that.. i didn't do a lot of things.. say things that i needed to, and in the end ended up being regrets that i was upset about, cried about, mad about...

i'm not saying now that i'm not afraid of failure.. i still am.. but i'm slowly starting to learn to accept failure better.. i'm not as afraid of making the 1st step.. sure.. i'm still gonna fail sometimes.. but i kno that even if i fail.. i WILL be able to stand back up and try again.. its a life long process.. thats prolly excrutiatingly hard.. but i can do it..

3)bravery and courage.. i never thought of myself as someone who was brave or courageous.. in the general sense of the word.. but after much talk and thought.. i realized.. being brave and courageous.. doesn't have to mean ur a hero.. it doesn't mean u do things thats nobody else can.. it simply means.. stepping out of your boundaries.. out of ur imaginary life bubble.. and doing something that you didn't realize u could do.. finally being able to say things that u never dared to before..

in a sense.. being brave means opening yourself up.. letting people in.. i never quite realized that in a way.. it wasnt people who shut me out of their lives.. it was more of.. me not letting them in. subconsciously i was so afraid of rejection that instead of putting myself out there.. i shut myself out.

4)life is a whole lot simpler than we think it is.. we sometimes think life is oh so complicated.. that we can never truly understand life.. but really.. life is really really simple.. all its about.. is living ur days with happiness and enjoying urself.. but we often make things too complex for our own good.. and in the end.. it just confuses us more and more.. making us upset and mad and ever so confused.. but if we took the time reevaluate everything.. really its not that complicating

5)choices.. it always seems that we never have options.. we do.. we have LOTS AND LOTS of them.. we just choose not to see them.. simple as that.. sometimes its the people around us who can see that.. and its amazing when you have friends that remind u of that. we have no need of ever pouting.. and saying that .. awwww life is so hard.. i wish i had a choice.. but we do>>>
we always do.. we always have options.. and always lots of them too



once again..

Despite everything that has happened.. or is happening.. i'm glad to be going through it all.. its a part of life and i'm slowly learning each step of the way..

and b4 i end this blog.. i just wanna say thanx.. to all you special ppl out there.. for being there for me.. through everything.. i may not say it enough. and some of u may think i say it too much.. but

THANK YOU for being there
THANK YOU for listening to me
THANK YOU for you advice
THANK YOU for your words of encouragement
THANK YOU for yelling at me when i needed it most
THANK YOU for the plush comfy shoulder to cry on
THANK YOU for your existence.. because without it.. life would not be as exciting, loving, fun, and enjoyable as it is now.
THANK YOU sincerely from the bottom of my heart

am i being SELFISH by doing what i want?

decisions are so hard to make sometimes.. especially the most important ones.. i hate the fact that we always have to sacriface one thing or another in order to get through things

in my case..
choosing what i think i should, want to do would result in others being disappointed in me, their feelings hurts, and possibly even to the extent of those ppl never wanting to talk to me or be associated with me ever again

but at the same time if choose not do this.. and instead do what it is they have set out for me.. what they want for me. it only means more misery, more pain, more confusion.. and not even just for the time being or for a little while longer, it will last for a very very long time

and i will prolly feel like i've missed out on something very important in my life.. probably regret that i never did it..

that having been said.. this decision is so hard to make.. i honestly wish life was simple.. things just are either right or wrong.. decisions are clear.. you kno what u need to do.. in my mind i kno what i need to do.. i kno what i want to do.. but at the same time i'm afraid to take that step.. i don't want things b/w me n ppl to be different.. i highly value and treasure the relationships that i have that i don't want to jeopardize them in any way..

if there was ever a "perfect"decision.. a decision that would work for both parties.. where everybody is satisfied.. nobody is unhappy

the decision of me vs. others.

can't i just not choose.. or better yet.. couldn't someone just make the "perfect" decision for me?

Why couldn't life just be simple?

I am officially.. AN ADULT.. in my 20's!!!

haha.. i can no longer use the excuse of.. i'm still a child to not take blame for my mistakes.. i'm now an adult..

but then being 20 doesn't feel absolutely any different than being 19.. i guess 20th birthday isn't one of those "momentous" birthdays.. not like 16, 18, 19 and 21..

16th.. u can get ur drivers license
18th.. u can buy lottery tickets, gamble, buy porn
19th.. u can buy cigarettes, and drink legally
21.. well .. thats the ultimate birthday.. u can do anythign anywhere in the world :) well kinda..

this day has started off better than most years. .

theres ppl who actually remembered this years


rachel
miranda
nelson
jo
gendi
tim

i also never realized how hard it was to take a picture of ur monitor.. man u get these really weird squiggly lines ... i don't even kno if this is gonna show

thanx for remembering guys.. my 20th bday is gonna be rather dull and boring.. gotta wake up early to help out with worship pratice tommorow at 930.. then working from 130 till 630.. then going out for dinner with feli n eunice and then out to the bar. celebrating feli coming home for the weekend
and then thats the end of the my 1st nite as a 20yr old

had the best weekend ever.. it was longer than most.. by like uh.. 3 days :P
but it gave me some much needed fun time.. hanging out with ppl :)

friday..
took the 2pm train out to union.. bused up to don mills.. got picked up by tim.. went out to dinner with cy at some viet restaurant at fmp.. had some quality talking :P round 10.. went to mix 2 with bunch of ppl.. to sing k.. me jo gendi tim cora joyce ernest ricky steph and some others.. had some drinks.. sang our hearts out. plain simple fun :) i missed going to K.. hadn't gone in a while.. was out till about 1ish.. then went back to mcbc. saw guy n kenneth.. hung out a lil bit with them n tim.. and then got driven home.. thanx again timmy tums tums for being my chauffeur for the nite :)

saturday..
had cindy and harley's wedding to go to.. was nice :) got to see gordon.. hadn't seen him since summer.. then wedding dinner @ time's.. got to see some relatives.. n wut not.. ended up seeing on my really old friends at the wedding.. so went out with them after.. got home at 2 am..

sunday..
woke up nice and early.. 8AM!!!! and only 1 1/2 hrs of sleep :(went to breakfast with jon wong at 830.. was plannin on going to 930 that morning.. but we ended up just sitting there talking till like 1030.. haha.. :P i miss talking to ppl ..went back to mcbc.. went to my aunts to pick up some stuff.. went to jo's. helped her pack a lil.. out to lunch with her parents..left for london around 4pm..got in around 545 6ish.. went straight to jo's house.. change and then go to her friend's turkey dinner..man.. the guy who was cookign the dinner Alex.. is a pro chef.. !!!!! so living my life.. and so good at it!!! hmm.. man i kinda wish i wasn't so tired.. i would have ate so much more! frankie ended up being there too.. small world.. jo knows eric through some classes and eric knows frankie.. "Its a small world afterall" haha

monday..
haha i slept for so long.. like 12 hours.. then went out to masonville with jo.. walmart.. bunch of different places.. went to dinner with frankie, james, jackie and one of their housemates.. "under the volcano" - a pretty good mexico restaurant.. hung out at their place for a while.. :)
went home.. was planning on going to bed.. but ended up going to mickey d's with jon.. and then to sam's.. planned some ninetendo and game cube.. and some really fun bongo game haha..

tuesday..
slept till like 11ish 12.. haha.. went to see legend of zorro with jo and jon.. JON PICKED A BAD MOVIE!!!!!! picked up miriam and went to jacks for dinner.. haha mad funni story..
jon n miriam are now parents..to a one month old son..name is sir rocky..and 2 mins into this new parenthood..jon is screaming for a divorce haha.. so funny
for whole story.. go to jo's blog
went back on campus to pick peter and sam up.. went to demetres.. man i hadn't seen peter wu in sooo long!!!! made rounds.. driving peter and miriam to see ppl's houses..

and thats the end of the weekend :)

long but definetly fun

Some women don't deserve to be mothers!!!!

i never really thought i'd ever say that.. but today.. man totally changed my opinion...

First.. i had to go to work today.. so i took the bus. and just like every other time.. i'd see kids and parents on the bus.. but today.. there was these 5 ppl... 2 adults.. and 3 kids..2 about ages 3 and 6.. and a lil baby.. maybe a year old.. the 2 adults were i believe mother and daughter.. and the kids were the daughter's.. and man.. i dun like to pre-judge.. or discriminate or anything.. but they looked rather shabby.. in the sense that they were dirty( like not-clean), had drug-shot eyes and were very clothes that looked like they hadnt been cleaned in ages.. and smelled bad.. like garbage bad..

and on the bus.. one of the little girls wanted to stand with her grandmother and her older sister at the front of the bus.. but her mother didn't want her to .. she wanted her to sit at the back.. so she basically pushes her daughter all the way back.. and on the way back.. her daughter falls and hits her head on the floor of the bus b/c she pushed her too hard.. and the mother like picks her up by her jacket with a lot of force.. and drags her to the back of the bus... her daughter is like wailing cuz she's in pain.. and all the mother can do is keep on yelling at her.. telling her to shut up and stop being a cry baby .. the whole entire ride.. 45 mins.. the lil girl is crying.. the mom is yelling and hitting her daughter.. the whole bus is looking.. and finally another lady asks if the girl's ok.. the mom shoots the lady with the meanest eyes ever.. and keeps on yelling at her daughter.. the grandmother is not doing anything..

honestly.. i don't think she deserves to be a mother.. she can't do that to her child..

as much as i believe that every woman's best job in the world is to be a mother.. and that every women should have that opportunity.. i don't think that certain ppl should..

ppl like that mother and grandmother definetly dont.. people who can barely take care of themselves.. ppl who can't stay off drugs n alcohol.. ppl with no respect for others.. ppl with no manners.. they shouldn't be raising kids.. cuz those kids will grow up to be just like them.. and those kids deserve better than that.. those kids should be living ina safe environment where they wont be hit, yelled at, exposed to drugs, sex, alcohol.. they should be living with parents who will teach them right from wrong, teach them manners.. teach them important things.. let them live a happy childhood.. and honestly. if a mother/father cannot do those things.. they don't deserve to be parents.. being parents is a gift.. a gift from God..

either treasure your child.. or it'll backfire on you.. those parents wonder why their kids ended up in juvi, jail, prostitution, theft, crime.. and they get all angry cuz their kids don't respect them, or have no respect for authority.. u kno wut.. u caused it.. ur the reason for all of it.. don't blame on society.. don't blame it on others.. look at the way you raised your kid..


i just had to vent about that.. bothered me the whole entire day.. urgh

Doctors SUX ASSS sometimes!!!!

so today.. i went to yet another doctor.. and is it just me or is it lately, doctors don't really seem to kno what they're doing..

i mean.. i can't say all doctors.. but in general.. well.. at least the many that i've seen in both toronto, hongkong and windsor

1) they never seem to pay attention.. as a doctor.. is it not ur duty to pay attention to detail? frig.. one of my doctors almost killed me.. he prescribed me this med that had deadly reactions with another.. and he didn't even bother to look at the med chart when i went in.. if i hadn't asked him if it was ok to take it with other meds.. i swear i'd prolly be in the ER rite now..

2) they can't diagnose.. i will say that yes it is hard.. cuz there are conflicting symptoms.. but frig.. how is it that every doctor.. from every involved field. from like family doctor to specialists.. to the head of department at a hospital... none of them kno what they're doing

3) meds.. they dont kno their meds.. i admit yes there are a lot of meds out there.. and a lot of them work the same and wut not.. but if u kno that u have a patient coming in.. maybe u should do a lil research b4 they come in.. show a lil effort..

4) they don't care.. you walk in.. you talk.. they reply.. you leave.. when they talk to you.. they're not even like talking to you.. they're just talking..when you're talking.. they're not listening..


aaaaaaaarrrrggggghhhhh.. so annoying

on a better note.. this weekend should be good.. a much needed weekend of just fun.. relaxation...hanging out.. no stress.. no doctors...

going home on friday.. hangin out with friends day.. then cindy's wedding on saturday.. all day and all nite.. then sunday.. going into london to visit some peeps on the way back to the ghetto.. .

recently .. i'm starting to like the environment of windsor much more than usual.. i'm liking the quietness.. i'm liking the fact that i'm antisocial.. that i never go out when i'm in windsor.. it just provides me with a lil room to breathe.. think.. just be by myself..

can never get that at home. haha.. exact opposite of most ppl.. usually they're able to do that at home.. but when at skewl.. they've got skewl stuff.. and friends.. and wut not..

but then when have i ever been like everybody else?

Promises

what exactly is a promise?

Definitions:

1. transitive and intransitive verb vow: to assure somebody that something will certainly happen or be done promised to come promised that the patient would recover

2. transitive verb pledge something: to pledge to somebody to provide or do something promised them a kitten

3. transitive and intransitive verb make somebody expect something: to cause somebody to expect something The sky promised rain.

4. transitive verb assure or warn somebody: to assure or warn somebody that something is true or inevitable Things will be fine, I promise you.

5. transitive verb affiance somebody: to engage somebody to be married ( dated ) She told him that she was promised to someone else.

source

i didn't really use to think so much about promises.. the ones i made.. the ones other ppl made for me.. for others... i mean.. i didn't think about it into any depth.. i'll admit that i've made my fair share of broken and forgotten promises..

and i never really thought about how much it hurt..

till now.

it hurts the most when its the ppl closest to you that break their promises.. your family... your bestest of friends.. and it makes you wonder.. whether they really meant it when they made that promise to you??

i can't help but wonder.. am i even important to them? by the fact that they don't remember the promises that they made.. does that mean the things i've said to them and them back to me.. does that mean that they weren't listening or never cared?

i guess the one big thign that brought this whole thing up was this weekend..

halloween.. i'm normally not one thats big on halloween or anything.. but.. this weekend .. i had previously planned on going to london.. i had planned this back in october.. with all my high skewl friends.. during thanksgiving.. we were planning to all go in.. and one of my best friends.. promised that she would let me kno what was goign on.. she knew exactly how i felt about being left out in the loop.. and why?? because she was one of the ppl that i always went to.. cried with..
she promised that we would do something together.. whether it be we go to london.. or i go home.. or she comes here.. didn't matter..

and then mid october.. she says that she can't do anything for halloween for family reasons.. and thats perfectly fine.. i understand that..

but

WHY IS IT THAT I JUST FOUND OUT THAT SHE WENT TO LONDON WITH HER BF TO MY OTHER HIGH SKEWL FRIEND'S HALLOWEEN PARTY???

1st of all.. we've been talking all this time.. and she never once mentioned to me
2nd.. all of my other friends knew about our agreement and they didn't say anythign to me either..
3rd.. she says she 's my best friends.. but actions speak louder than words..


she of all people should know how i would feel about broken promises and being left out.. FUCK>>>

and to add on top of everything.. i found out.. and i asked her, her bf.. my other high skewl friends.. they're stil pretending it never happened.. WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO LIE???

perhaps its the lying that bugs me the most.. i wouldn't be so upset if they just told me what happened flat out.. i'd still be mad at them but i wouldn't feel so betrayed.. i'd get over in a week max.. and then it would no longer be an issue.. but now.. i just feel like i don't kno them anymore.


don't get me wrong or anything.. i'm not saying i'm perfect or have never broken a promise.. hell i've done tat more times than i can think of.. and i'm not proud of it.. but thats the truth.

and why in life?? if theres one bad thing happening.. it always seems to attract a million others.. life is harder enough as it is.. i don't need more things... i'm just so tired with life.. and all of its problems.. sometimes..

now don't get me wrong.. i'm not in any way suicidial.. or wanting to take my life.. but

its so hard that sometimes i just wanna give up.. give up on myself.. on others.. it just doesn't seem to worth it anymore.. life is supposed to be meaningful.. life is suppose to have a purpose is it not??

what exactly is mine then??

a lot of ppl have mentioned to me that there's no place for them to comment on my blog.. especially since my last blog..

i'm not gonna put a tagboard on my blog.. and i dunno how to get comments going on this layout

so if you have something u wanna say to me.. please do so either directly on msn or email it me.. see the "MAIL ME"

this works out better for me.. im not 100% comfortable with plasting all of my feelings and emotions on the internet.. i'm ok with saying that i'm upset but not comfortable enough to just tell about everybody in the world what's going on in my screwed up life..

hope u all understand

thanks

it honestly feels like i'm gonna collapse..
both mentally and physically

my body has worsened.. once again.. honestly i sometimes wish i could just take someone else's body.. at least it'd be less medicated.. less surgical scars.. less pain.. less discomfort..

medications never seem to help.. in fact.. they usually worsen more than anything..
now all fo the old stomach, heart, lungs, and sleep problems are back and for the worse.. i don't even kno know how i survive each day.. its so hard to just get up .. let alone go to class.. do work.. read.. write my midterms..

i honestly wanna just drop a few of my courses.. be part time..
at least i'd be less busy.. have a lil more energy..

but OF COURSE>. i don't have that option.

and mentally.. this whole sick thing isnt doing wonders for me mentally either.. to be truthful.. sometimes i just think about giving up .. no more meds. no more doctors.. no more surgeries.. and just let my body kill itself on its own pace.. i'm so tired of being given false hope.. and then just being slapped right back in the face. falling farther down into the endless pit.


and with all the thing im dealing with now.. family and skewl.. thats taking its toll on my body as well..

i never thought my family was the kind that.. i dunno even kno how to describe it.. let just say.. theres an incredible amount of things that worrie me rite now..
i don't think i've cried as much in the last year as i have in the last 30 something hours..
and the thing is.. theres not a thing i can do about it.. nobody seems willing to tell me the truth.. nor will they bother to at least tell me a reasonable excuse.. i mean they will be lying.. but at least i'd feel better about it.. its selfish i kno that.. but in the end.. it only hurts more when you find out.. after everybody.. EVERYBODY!!!! knows.. ur the very last one to find out.. but you're a part of that family too.. it kinda makes u feel like..not important.. that nobody really thinks of u as a part of that family?? i don't even kno what to think anymore.. my brain is so tired from thinking...

all i can say.. is my life suxs.. and its collapsing on me.. my life .. i don't even what it is.. the life i thought i had.. is one truly distorted image in my mind rite now.. it doesn't make sense.. it has no meaning.. it's just one complete blur

I feel like SHIT!!!

I TAG JOHANNA LEUNG.. HA..
now u hafta do the 5 weird facts..

thought u'd get out of it did ya?? ur stupidity for telling me that i didn't tag you!

so apparently.. i got tagged by timmy tum tums ..
and since i just had one of those sleepless nights.. i guess i have not much more to do.. technically i do. with 2 midterms.. but hey.. who needs studying??

so i'm suppose to say 5 weird facts about myself.. and then list names of ppl i'm tagging..

im weird.. and everybody knows that.. so i guess i hafta think of the 5 weirdest thigns about me

1) anybody and everybody who has ever borrowed a pen/pencil/writing tool knows i'm weird.. like extremely.. i have this "thing" where i will hunt u down if u borrow my pen and don't give it back..literally.. in high skewl.. i lent my pens to my friends.. and i would chase them down the halls.. until they gave them back.. and when u do give it back.. u hafta put it back in my pencil case a certain way.. like all the writing ends on one side.. all the writing tips facing one way.. and the ruler one way.. that sorta thing

2)another weird fact.. i have a massive obsession with mooncakes.. u kno the mid-autumn festival mooncakes?? every late august/early sept.. if i'm in hk.. i'll deliberately save like $300-$500HK and buy like 2 or 3 boxes of mooncakes @ the airport.. usually one of the icy kind.. and 2 of the double egg yolk white lotus ones..the ones with 4 huge mooncakes in each box... and here's the gross part.. i'll usually.. by the end of my 16 hour flight back to TOR, will have finished at least 3 mooncakes in one of the boxes if not more.. ONE TIME.. i actually didn't eat any of the flight meals.. and just ate mooncakes all 16 hours.. needless to say.. i didn't have any more mooncakes when i got off the plane.. my brother thought i was psycho.. and when i'm not in hk for the summer.. my relatives will bring them back when they come back.. and i will usually finish the 2-3 boxes in about a week.. gross? yes i kno

3)bare walls freak me out.. like walls in any colour that don't have some sort of assessorie on them.. it makes me very uncomfortable.. so for anybody thats ever seen my room.. whether the one at home in T.O or my dorm room 1st year.. or the room i'm in now.. all of my walls are filled with stuff.. whether they be posters, pictures, weird brand tags from all my shopping, or just random stuff animals.. i even have chopsticks on my walls.. the 1st or 2nd week of every school year bothers me a lot.. b/c i haven't quite unpacked and stick things up on the wall.. or haven't had time to print out pictures.. and my walls are very bare.. it bothers me.. i don't know why..

4)i have 3 BIRTH CERTIFICATES!!! one for my "original" english name and "original chinese name", one for my "now" english name", and one for my "now" chinese & english name.. haha.. its weird.. i won't tell u what my original english name is.. but its weird.. very weird.. and its GONNA STAY A SECRET!!!!!! so no asking

like.. i had a different english name on my very 1st birth certificate.. but then my parents changed it.. my 2nd cert says Sindy * * Leung.. which is my name now.. minus the * *.. not telling u my full chinese name..
and my parents decided to change my written chinese name too.. something to do with how ppl write the "leung" in chinese.. some ppl write it with 2 "piets" and some wth 3 "piets".. so i don't actually kno if i'm even writing my chinese name right now a days..

for some reason its hard to think of weird things when asked to.. i can do it so easily normally.. so hmm??

5) this is kinda weird.. well i don't think its weird.. but i've had ppl say that i'm weird b/c of it.. i almost never wear the same earrings on both ears.. or in any of my 6 ear piercings. i only wear them the same.. if i "NEED" to.. like getting dressed up..that sorta thing.. but u will notice.. i always have differnt earrings.. in fact.. i don't normally buy pairs.. i usually buy most of my earrings in hk.. which makes it easier.. cuz u can buy singles in mong kok in hk.. but yup.. i just find that i don't like wearing the same earrrings.. i don't find it weird.. but ppl do..


so there u go.. 5 weird facts about me that i don't kno if u ever knew..

and to elaborate on timmy tum tum's 1st weird fact..


Words of Tim
"1. when i have a crush on someone i think of them a lot and apply them to almost every situation that i encounter in my mind. (ie. Tim is picking his nose, "i wonder if X is picking her nose now too?", Tim is washing the dishes, "i wonder if X is drying her plates or bowls now?", Tim is putting on cologne, "i hope she doesn't use cologne!", you get the point)"

haha i totally do that tooo... well not the nose picking part at least..
when i crush someone.. i associate them with certain things.. like i crush "mr.so & so" .. "mr.so&so" drives a bright neon green i dunno whatever.. everytime i see a bright neon green whatever car.. i will think hmm.. i wonder if thats him.. or i wonder if "mr.so&so" is in his car rite now... or in a very loserly (is that even a word??)way.. i'll see the associating object.. and i'll hope that hmm.. maybe "mr.so&so" is here.. then i can accidentally bump into him.. and say hello.. or even hide behind a column somewhere and stare at him..

yes yes.. im very stalkerish.. i kno.. freaky.. weird yes i kno..


um.. so i'm suppose to tag ppl.. but most of the ppl that i kno that read my blog all got tagged by tim already..

:( u stole all my ppl tim.. :(

so i guess whoever isn't on his list but reads this blog is tagged!!!! whoever u are!!! its all based on the honour system.

and yet again i changed my layout.. this time.. just cuz its very coincidental..

as u all kno.. i'm a huge ass fan of roxy. yes yes i kno.. materialistic and vain..yes

but anyhow.. so over the summer in hk.. i saw a really nice pair of flip flops . but they weren't roxy.. they were billabong.. its ok.. wutever.. i bought them anyway..

and then randomly stumbling on blogskins.com.i found this layout.. and HA!!!! those are my flip flops.. well except mine are pink.. so i thought it was funni.. and changed my layout..

I ... am officially a member of the Laura Secord Corporation..

i finally found a job after handing out like a bizillion resumes and going to million different job interviews..

at first.. i didn't really wanna work food related.. but i mean .. its better than having no job at all..

now.. i kinda wanna work there.. i'm working at the new concept store in d-mall in windsor.. the first one in ontario i believe.. which is pretty cool



and no nasty lookign uniform for me.. just plain white t-shirt.. black pants.. black shoes.. ooh.. and a laura secord apron.. not too bad.

plus i get a good discount on all Laura Secord products.. ice-cream and chocolate.. which helps.. cuz SUPERKID is only like MY FAVOURITE!!!!!




haha
so i guess this will mean me going home less often.. or anywhere in fact.. prolly go home at christmas, again at reading week and then prolly after final exams in april..

hehe.. sorrie ppl.. but at least earning much need money.. i spent way too much .. i swear

thursday is my first day.. lets see how that goes.. for now.. gotta go back to studying some more.. test tommorow.. and midterm monday and tuesday

yikes :O

a very long day..
woke up at like 8...
had pratice till about 1130..
3 friends of mine.. had convo today.. so went to take some pics with them..and say goodbye
then ate yummi spaghetti n meatballs at a friends..
went comp supply shopping
and then came home..
today was planned as creme brulee day.. so started to make some.. actually quite easy.. 1st batch was pretty good.. except a lil too much sugar on top.. and i think i mite have whisked a lil too much air into the batch.. so air bubbles..
a friend fixed my printer cartridges for me..
finally got to print out my pics and post them up on my walls!!! yeah!!!
watched some movies and tv shows..

decided to finally make the parmasean crusted chicked.. i had been thinking of making it for soooo long.. finally did.. and then i made some herb roasted potatoes.. yum yum.. so good

man i love potatoes.. i prepared like a 2lb bag of potatoes.. i didn't eat it all OF COURSE.. haha

1 1/2 lb are in my fridge.. world biggest lover of potatoes.. Sindy Leung!!!

now.. i'm waiting for my 2nd batch of creme brulee.. hopefully they'll work a lil better this time. sindy out

so my thanksgiving weekend was wicked!! the best ever i swear..
it started with a friday morning train out from windsor at 10 AM.. a long train .. but like always its ok.. had this really adorable baby on the train.. so cute :)

got to union.. father picked me up.. drove me to scar town.. jo picked me up and drove me home.. had a lil catch up with her.. hadn't seen her in like 5 months..

friday nite: went out with some high skewl friends.. Sushi dinner @ Taste of Japan..talk fest at bbtea.. and then just hung out :)





got home around 130 2ish.. and then got a special phone call from one of my much missed bois... so drove out to hang out with him for a while.. got home at like 430 almost 5.. just in time to drive my father to the airport..

came home from airport.. had mickey d's breakfast.. went to blockbuster.. lcbo.. the works.. then napped for a few hours..

saturday nite: lots of events on this one night :)

first.. it started off with thanksgiving dinner @ sam's... man i hadnt been there in sooooo long... i remember i use to be there quite often.. so much fun.. seeing how cathy and rachel are soooo big.. and sam's cousins too.. i remember when one of them was still a baby in the baby carriage kinda thing.. so big and so cute now :)

then after.. went to hang out with some mcbc ppl.. man i missed hanging out with ppl.. i hadn't seen most of these ppl in soo long too

then saturday girls nite in.. me rach sam lydia and jo.. watched some grey's anatomy.. and then watched "crashed".. a really good movie :)
talked a lil.. and watched food TV>> WOOHOO!!!! yeah fellow foodie rachel :P

sunday.. woke up.. drove them back to mcb.. went to breakfast at golden griddle with jess.. hmmm apple crepes.. yummi .. *drools*
nice catching up her..

1130.. lunch.. yum cha with my aunt.. then went to the mall with my aunt.. bought some stuff.. i got a new vest!!! woohoo.. been meaning to get a new on forever.

www.flickr.com

This is a Flickr badge showing photos in a set called thanksgiving weekend 2005. Make your own badge here.

4ish.. went to D's for thanksgiving dinner.. man i miss eating turkey n stuffing.. cranberry sauce.. roasted potatoes.. the works.. miss it greatly..

monday.. woke up at D's.. just chilled around her house till 12ish..went to Jack Astor's for lunch.. man we were both soooo full from the turkey on sunday nite..
went back to her house.. drove her cousin home.. hung out for a while at chapters... and then she drove me to union..

pics

and that was the end of my thanksgiving weekend.. very eventful.. got to catch up with lots of ppl.. i missed that a lot..

and now its back to skewl.. boring ol skewl..

thanks for a great weekend everybody!!!!
muchas gracias por la fin de la semana muy intersante y excelente!!!!!

wow.. and yet i'm surprised again..

ud think that parents usually plan everything way ahead of time.. well apparently my parents don't work that way.. hmm.. ???

so i was suppose to go home for thanksgiving weekend to have thanksgiving dinner with my brother and my dad...

haha.. yesterday nite my mom calls long d from hk and is like your dad's going to hk.. i'm like huH?

my dad apparently is goign to hk for a weekend.. wuts up with that??
he's leaving friday ntie and comin back on monday.. huh?

so i guess that leaves me all alone this weekend.. my brother and i obviously aren't gonna bother to get together for dinner.. im not even sure if he's coming down from ottawa before monday..

i guess this kinda works out.. i was thinking of excuses that i could give my dad in regards to why we couldn't have thanksgiving dinner till sunday..

im getting back friday afternoonish..
and then i'm going DT with some high skewl friends later that nite.. into saturday morning..

and then girls nite in/out with my girly girls on saturday nite...

sunday.. well i guess no thanksgiving dinner for me.. or maybe i should go mooch dinner off my aunt.. hmm thats an idea

leaving monday afternoonish for windsor.. after a yummy brunch with D

on another note.. this is the 5th holiday/important event that i've celebrated with a lack of parents..

1st: christmas 2004.. my parents left to go to some place.. can't remember
2nd: mothers day with no mother.. my mom was in hk
3rd: fathers day with no father.. i was in hk.. he was home
4th: parents anniversary.. me, miranda and mom in hk.. ivan and dad in canada
5th: thanksgiving!!!!!

wuts with all this separation stuff anyway.. from what it seems.. i dont really think we're gonna have "family" holiday celebrations anymore.. i mean.. the last time we did ANYTHING together all 5 of us.. was last summer.. we had a road trip out to the Atlantic Coast with my grandmother..

then miranda left for hk.. so lacking her presence in birthdays, thanksgiving, new years, christmas, the works.

then my mom goes to hk for like all but 2 months of this year so far.. she left in feb around my reading week.. and then came back like 2 weeks ago.. for 2 weeks and she left again..

and now my brother is leaving for hk too.. so it seems that my family is all broken up..

i mean.. i've always thought that stupid family gatherings were annoying and wut not.. but i guess when u no longer have the opportunity to have these sorts of events.. u kinda miss them and feel left out.. i dunno thats just me

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable. At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things. When you love someone, you tend to like to please them. In friendship, you are loyal to one person. Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer. You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

The Birth Order Predictor

how true is that??

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Happy Go Lucky Viking. Where You Lived: Peru. How You Died: The Plague.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

this is wut u do when ur incredibly bored.. and sick at home

so i've been awake for a really long time.. over 12 hours.. since 3pm sunday.. i think my sleeping pattern is wacked yet again..

haha.. my room was boiling today too.. might be a factor..

so i basically ended up watching tv shows for like 6 hours.. very sad yes i kno..
and bored.. so took some pics of my room
i was gonna post them up.. but for some stupid reason.. the blogger site wont let me upload them. it says they're done but they're not there.. urgh so mad..

oh wel.. gotta go to class soon :p
then come home take a 3 hour nap.. another class.. and probably gonna end up sleeping all day .. waking up at like 9 or 10 or something.. and then not go to sleep again.. i'm so bad at this

I HAD A VISITOR!!!!!!!!

my very own visitor !!! yeah..


jon wong came to visit..
wednesday
and me, him and kenneth went out to dinner at montanas.. and ewwwwww kenneth ate a lot of food.. it was wednesday's all u can eat ribs.. and he ate like 6 plates of ribs!!! gross




and then after dinner we went driving around. and mad crzy lines at the gas stations.. ppl were freaking out that the gas was gonna rise to like $2 a L or something.. and every gas station we passed by had huge lines.. and the gas weas like $.99 a L .. still rather expensive..

haha.. so we decided to join the line and see what fun it would be.. haha 30 mins later we finally get gas.. hehe


afterwhile drove around some more.. i'm not too good at directions.. sorrie jon..

then drove kenneth home.. and had a good wholesome talk with jon.. thanx for visiting jon.. u made my week :)