how many people would still luv me for who i am if they knew the real me??

in the last 5 days, i have found myself to be the butt of one too many jokes... and it makes me wonder.. are they really joking or is it what they really feel inside??

i have known these people for some many years.. and i'd like to think that they are truly my real friends..

but in the midst of all the things that are going on with my life right now, i can't help but wonder.. if i decided to change it all, would they still be there for me? would they support me and have faith in me like they said they would??

or will all the changes bring too much disappointment and sadness and betrayal for them?

its been 1 mth and i still don't know what i'm going to do.. i know what my options are yet i cant seem to decide. it seems like my life has always been about changes.. and decisions... never once has it been a conclusion. a finish line.

how i wish that i could have that life.