and so it has been decided..

its a decision that I know nobody will understand.. a decision that nobody will like.. but its a decision that I have made.. and that I will live with.

don't get me wrong. I am in no way giving up or giving in. I just need a break from it all. im just so tired of doing things according to how people want it done.. i want to do things at my own pace.

i've come to the realization that i'm not like everybody else. i never was.. and i probably never will. i've learnt to accept that. i am ok with that now. it may sometimes still bother me.. but thats the truth. i'm me and nobody else.

why should i continue to do the things i want to according to someone else's schedule.. especially when i know its too fast-paced, too hectic for me?? i shouldnt have to compromise if i know the end result is unsatisfactory.

now comes the hard part. how do i explain it all to them?? how do i tell them that I'm yet again making more changes... how do i say it in a way that doesnt disappoint them? or disappoint them the least?

how do i tell them that everything that i had told them previously was one giant lie?

although in the end, i know it will be ok. they have always told me they'll stick with me through it all and i believe them. i just don't know how to go through with it.

oh dear God grant me the wisdom, help me to be truthful.. grant me the words..

oh dear Lord, I pray for your guidance to lead me down this path.