life suxs..

i no longer have my own car..
my jobs are in jeopardy..
my body is deteriorating in more ways than one.. and not even just because of the car accident
i'm losing faith in myself..
i'm losing faith in others..
life has become a mess..


ppl keep on telling me its gonna be better.. things will always work out.. but i really dun feel like it will.. life just keeps on getting worse for me..


its like i'm falling into a hole.. and i don't even kno where the bottom of this hole is... at least.. if i knew where the hole was.. i kno how much worse its gonna get.. but its so dark.. i dunno kno much more of this i can take..


URGH

Why can't I break the cycle??
Why can't i just correct the wrongs?

just like clockwork.. the time comes again.. .. i find myself committing the same mistakes.. i promised my parents.. i promised my family.. i promised my friends.. and most importantly... I PROMISED MYSELF.. but why is it i can't seem to make things better??and each time i find myself getting worse and worse..

its been 4 years.. and i still haven't gotten any better.. in fact.. i've gotten much worse.. and each time.. i find myself making promises to do better.. trying to figure out ways to correct things.. it just doesn't seem to work..

each time it happens.. i just feel worse and worse.. i disappoint those around me.. they lose faith in me.. i lose faith in myself..

and yet uncontrollablly.. the cycle just continues..

i've run out of options.. and ideas.. and i just really don't know what else there is to do..

perhaps its time to just give up.. give up on this.. give up on trying.. give up on life itself..

overall.. a pretty good christmas break.. got to hang out with lots of ppl.. got to eat lots of food ( a lil too much.. haha ).. got to buy lots of stuff.. :) been good.. and this new year is going off to a pretty good start..

since school ended for the semester.. i've done lots.. gone bowling with the gbc folks.. gone to marche with the piggy.. gone shoppin way too many times.. bought too much stuff.. gone to kbbq.. gone to all u can eat jap buffet.. had 2 christmas family turkey dinners.. hot pot twice.. baked :P yeah gingerbread men.. yeah chocolate cake..

a few more days till school starts again.. still got a lot to do.. gotta grocery shop for girls dinner on thursday.. mmm food... piggy wiggy dinnner on saturday nite :)

then school starts.. time for a new semester.. gotta try a lil harder this semester.. did alright last semester.. could have done much better.. me n my stupid procastination and lazyness..

i do apologize.. this blog is slightly random and not coherent..

56 days since i started my new schooling at george brown.. and i hafta say i've learned a lot..

i've learned:
baguettes
white bread
whole wheat bread
sugar cookies
spritz cookies
pies
tarts
puff pastry
brownies
yule logs
gingerbread
and much much more..

but if there's one thing thats most important..

that is:

if u really enjoy something.. the amount of time and effort spent into it no longer matters.. all that seems important to you will be.. ur doing what u enjoy .. u understand it.. u love it..

so if u ask me now.. was the 3 years wasted away at university worth it??

i'd do it all over again if i can continue to have many more days of this happiness and fun :)

for those who know me.. i'm not really much of a person to volunteer my weekend aways... stay at school voluntarily.. attending class (hahaha)

but the me now.. i actually go to class.. ( well 90% at least).. volunteering at school... hahah



I LOVE THE NEW ME!!! :) :) :)

if there's one thing i enjoy most about birthday weekends.. being able to eat and drink as much as i want.. without at all feeling bad about it.. hahah..

i definetly ate a good amount this week.. and drank a good amount at that too :) weeeeeee

thursday.. started off with all u can eat korean bbq.

friday.. shopping and random snackage with JJ.. everythign from ice-cream to popcorn, to candy to coffee.. haha.. then k nite.. drinks and food

saturday.. lunch.. made myself a lunch consisting of rockets popsicles.. bacon.. ice cream and cake.. yes sad.. i kno... then HUGE dinner @ flo ... wild mushroom soup, with buffola and tomato crostini, sea bass as main dish.. creme brulee for dinner.. and then yummy yummy bday cake..

sunday.. breakfast with my mom at coras... mmm.. waffles and bacon and eggssss... lunch at baton rouge with fred.. huge huge piece of chicken and veggies.. all u can eat japanese buffet dinner with my parents..

urgh.. i feel so fat and bloated rite now.. soo full :P hahahah

and just like clockwork. it comes to that time of the year.. and just like all the rest.. i dread its arrival.. for most ppl.. its one of the happiest times.. but for me..i hate it..

i hate having to worry about it. i hate knowing that nobody remembers.. nobody cares.. i hate how im always left out..

this time of the year just makes me wanna crawl into my bed and not come out for a week..

i always hoped that i would one day be good enough for it.. good enough so that ppl cared.. and so many years into my life and im still not..

i hate this time of the year.. and i just wish it would all go away

so my friend has got me on this thing.. click on the links and pick 5-6 either positive/negative words about me...

fill out my nohari window

fill out my johari window


thanx guys :)

its been quite the eventful week.. fun.. lots of good times..

to explain:

i have a whole week off skewl.. something known as intersession week.. haha.. everybody's jealous.. yes i kno.. and then my work schedule for this week was pretty wicked.. i don't work till friday at 5.. so after being bothered by some ppl in windsor about visiting.. i decided to take a lil road trip..

monday: left newmarket for london with krystle.. left around 430pm.. got into london around 7.. freak snow and rain all the way in.. went to crabby joes with jo, frankie, james, alex, and eric.. pretty good.

tuesday: breakfast at paragon with sam, jo, and godfrey.. m&m meat shops.. grocery shopping. went back to jo's.. napped for an hour.. drove in to windsor. trio outing with eunice and ryan.. a&p grocery shopping.. bulk barn.. eunice napped. ryan studied.. i sat around.. haha .. went out for dinner @ moxies @ devonshire with eunice, kenneth, nelson, norris, wynne, sarah, wait lit, danit.. that was fun. i missed them :P walked around devonshire with eunice, norris, wynne and kenneth.. then drove kenneth back to st.clair.. dairy queen for ms.piggy herself. drove ms.piggy home.. then went to wynne's.. hung out for a while.. went to wai lit's... i luv chatting with him.. haha.. lovely how our convo's are always about his obsession with fob girls.. hahahhahah..
went back to eunice's.. chatted and then slept..

wednesday: woke up around 830.. eunice woke me up.. haha.. cuz she had class.. was bored so surfed the net.. eunice came back early .. class got cancelled.. went to golden griddle for breakfast buffet with her and kenneth.. interesting conversations.. "asians are sex toys." huh wut the hell eunice???? went to best buy/future shop/the source with wynne.. then lunch @ big dicks with the music crew.. wil, graeme, becky, sarah, LL... fun times catching up.. bulk barn with sarah and LL.. back to wynne's.. grocery shopping.. then drive back to London.. got back around 7.. dinner with jo, miriam, nat and sarah @ under the volcano.. cayenne beef.. hmmm.. yumm yummm.. but too acidic.. but so good.. grey's marathon.. yeah .. missed out so many episodes..

thursday: chill in london

friday: drive back out early morning.. nap at home. work at 5..

lots of fun.. yeah.. im glad my week has been eventful :) woo hooo

i have a test and an essay due friday.. yet i find myself doing stuff online stuff.. like always..

i'm so excited.. i have the whole of next week off skewl.. and i have 3 days for sure off work :) yeah yeah yeah :)

so i'm gonna be making a mini trip into windsor and london.. to visit ppl..cuz i miss them all..
yeah i get to visit jo.. and sammi.. and frankie and james and shay..

then all the windsor ppl.. ryan.. eunice.. wynne. wai lit..danit.. sarah.. kennethe.. yeah yeah yeah.. so excited..


i'm a lil random today.. so yeha..

ONE DAY TO VERIFY MY ExiSTEncE!!!

today was a pretty awesome day..
woke up early this morning.. had class at 730.. was baking dinner rolls in class..

we had to scale, mix, and prep all the dough.. then roll and shape the dough into various shapes with knots..we did the same thing yesterday.. except with "dead" dough.. and i was so pissed off yesterday.. cuz i've got really really small hands.. that plus rollin dough doesn't go well.. so i was so so so pissed offf.. i wanted to like burn my dough..

today.. after somewhat adjusting my technique.. i manage to shape and bake some decent looking rolls.. i have pics.. which i will post later..

learned an awful lot in class about doughs and breads today..fermentation.. proofing.. retarding..(its not what u think).. effects of too much or too little sugar, or salt in ur dough..etc.. 4 hour class went by pretty good..

then went with chef up to angus glen to do some volunteering work.. we prepped a chocolate truffle mouse, truille crousillant with 3 raspberries and a mint leaf, and decorated with raspberry and milk chocolate sauce.. looked soo soo soo good..

despite having to wait 4 extra hours cuz angus glen was running 4 hours behind.. got to work along side the exec chef of terra.. got to see the exec chef of flow work.. got to see how line cooks work.. pretty awesome.. OMG its so hectic.. i'm definetly glad i chose pastry over culinary.. i don't think i'd survive in there..

got to see what life is actually like out in the real world..
basically.. this one day was wicked!! i luved every second and minute of it..

so i guess it has been a while since i last blogged..

not too much has happened.. going to skewl..

my bartending class got cancelled so no bartending for me..

got some plans in the works for the next few weeks.. quite excited..

this week:

tonite: write my descriptive esssay, study for my baking theory test, prepare my research for presentation

thursday: have a job interview at cookerydoo.. a cooking school for kids.. that would be like the perfect job for me.. :P finish writing essay.. study some more..

friday: essay due.. test day..volunteering with discovery day at school till 4... afterwards going down to chinese lantern festival with jo and some high skewl friends.. maybe hanging out afterwards

saturday/sunday: first aid level c training

monday: class

tuesday: job interview at cobs bread in newmarket

wednesday: class

thursday: class.. then helping chef prep plated desserts for charity dinner on friday

friday: class.. then going to angus glen for charity dinner.. get to do plated desserts aside chef.. so excited :)

saturday: going out with ppl for thanksgiving... dinner.. then club/bar???

sunday: chillin

monday: morningish.. baking day with euds?? family thanksgiving dinner at nite..

2 interviews.. and i really hope i get the job at either one.. both are related jobs.. yeah yeah :)
so excited..

so.. finally after waiting a few hours and yelling at a few ppl.. my schedule is finally fixed.. i'm only taking 6 courses this sem..... technically.. i have a online course on top of that..

monday.. College English from 9-12.. then College Math from 3 - 6
tuesday.. bartending skills from 630pm - 930pm for 2 months
wednesday.. baking skills class from 7-11
thursday.. baking skills class from 7-11, and baking theory class from 12 -2
friday.. baking skills class from 7-11, and baking theory class from 12 -2

was suppose to have classes on tuesdays.. which is why i'm here at GBC.. but now they changed it.. so no class..

got a lot accomplished today..

woke up at 5.. left the house by 530.. was suppose to have baking skills class at 7.. got here.. and they said that i wasn't in the class..

so waited till 8 for registar's to open.. "discussed" with them for about an hour.. fixed part of the schedule..

went to bookstore.. to figure out why my package from aug 3.. still hadn't arrived at my house.. yet the package from aug 22 was at the postal office ready for pick up.. got that sorted out..

went to gary armstrong's to put my english horn for consignment.. man.. i'm gonna lose so much $ cuz its used.. stupid stupid.. why did the price of the english horn have to go down all of a sudden.. last time i checked.. like early 2006.. it was like $9000CAD for a new one.. now the price has dropped down to like $8000-$8500CAD for a new one.. which means i can't put my english horn for any higher than $7500.. boo boo boo..

went to Mountain Equipment Co-op to buy a new laptop bag..
came back to skewl.. and talked to another person at registrars.. fixed the rest of my schedule

just chillin.. looking for jobs and wut not.. leaving in a bit.. to go back up to good ol' York region.. try to find a currency exchange.. to exchange some of my HK $.. then going to get my w900i fixed.. stupid "flash of death"

pick up my package at the post office.. and maybe if i'm still awake by then.. i'll print off some resumes and drop them off at the mall....


wow.. thats a lot to have been done for me.. at noon!!! and only one large cup of coffee.. yeah me !!!! yeah yeah me!!!

haha

i'm out..

i swear.. i have this huge ass sign on my forehead that says::

Registrar's Office.. Please screw me over!!!

in my 4 years in high skewl, and my 4 year at univefrsity.. not once have i not been screwed over by the registar's office.. and this year ...

it happens too!!!

my mom asked me to print off my shcedule so she'd have an idea of whats going on for the next semes... so i go online .. and i find out that.. the friggin registar's office has switched my program on me.. and that i'm only registerd in 5 out of the 8 courses i'm suppose to be in.. and damn.. its the long weekend now.. and skewl starts on tuesday.. what the hell am i suppose to do?? FrIG


damn.. i swear.. I HATE THE DAMN PPL at all registrar's office...

and just like that...
my days in hk are limited..

7 days to be exact..
a week from today.. i will have boarded my plane back to canada..
and my emotions are so mixed rite now
its sad really.. how quickly my summer is ending.. but i'm also glad... that i'm going home..
but yet there's this feeling of uncertainty that i have..

1)
i miss so many things about T.O..

i miss ppl.. i miss my house.. i miss my parents.. i miss having my own room.. my own closet...
i miss all my girls.. all my boys.. i miss getting to hang out with ppl..

2) i'm gonna miss so many things in hk..

i'm gonna miss all of my kids at work.. i'm gonna miss my cousins.. my friends.. i'm gonna miss
hanging out in hk.. i'm gonna miss cheap food, and cheap clothes.. and just everything cheap.

3) i'm looking forward to going back to skewl..getting ready for a brand new start.. new school.. new subject.. new friends.. new everything

4) i don't want to be back in skewl.. after having taking almost 8 months off skewl.. i dun really know how ready i am... i haven't studied.. read textbooks.. written papers.. in so so long.. i really dunt want this new start to start off badly..


but i think.. the worst thing for me.. is this feeling of uncertainty...

its not the first time i've had it.. i actually get it twice a year.. before i leave for hk.. and before i return for the summer..

i'm also so worried about ..

oh.. what did i miss this summer?? i wonder what they did this summer?? did i miss anything really exciting???

do they have new friends now?? do they have friends better than me??

have they realized that i'm easily replaceable???

will things between us still be the same?? despite the 3 months gap????

these are somewhat immature questions to ask.. i kno that.. but i guess.. i just can't help it..

so as i'm spending my last week in hk.. i'm anxiously awaiting the answers to my questions when i return..

:'(

so i'm sitting at home.. got a half day off from work.. why u ask??

well..
at the end of last week.. saturday.. i started to feel sick from.. headache, dizziness, chills, fever, the works.. so went home early that day.. slept for the weekend.. and then went to see the doctor on sunday.. turns out i had a throat infection... got monday off.. tuesday.. my throat is a little better.. but still feeling the chills, fever, and on top of that.. it feels like a sinus infection is workign up..
wednesday.. sinus are killing me.. headache.. my eye is burning and my ears are vrooming..
so i asked for a half day off today to go see the doctor.. leaving in a sec..

man i hate how i get sick all the time.. irregardless of where i am.. i always get sick.. its quite annoying really.

i just wish i could have a normal body.. one that was free of sickness. URGH

had another celebrity sighting again

haha so today started really really shitty.. it was pouring rain outside.. and the walk to work is walking downhill ... so basically all the water was pouring down my feet the whole 10 min walk.. i was wearing my birks.. so the leather and cork on them are all screwed up..so i decided that i was going to buy a new pair of shoes for the rest of the day.. i needed and wanted to buy shoes

anyway.. got to work.. i was soaking wet .. disgustingly wet. taught 4 classes.. about holidays.. one of which was just horrible.. had to yell at the kids really bad.. they were being so stupid.. and rude.... work ends..

walked to festival walk with eudora.. euds left. and i walked around to look for shoes.. went to puma.. walk in.. started freaking out.. CELEBRITY!!!!!

nancy wu

and Lai Lok Yin

call eudora.. she comes back up to festival walk..

i didn't end up taking a pic with nancy wu.. she was shopping for a really long time and i had to rush to work.. but i did get the picture with the tall kinda good looking guy.. i dunno what his english name is tho.. ended geting a new pair of limited edition puma's and a pink sweatshirt too.. hehe

its been an eventful few weeks...

started to work full time with two jobs..

monday wednesday friday mornings from 9 till 1.. work at mary knolls.. then 2 -7 i work at beacon hills
tuesday thursday saturday.. i work 9-7 at beacon hill.. been so incredibly tired and busy..

been to 2 concerts..

1st was last sunday.. went to see justin lo and ronald cheng.. 903id concert.. a lil disappointed to be honest.. it was suppose to start at 8.. didn't end up starting till like 840 and it was over by 10.. and ronald didn't sing that many of his own songs.. instead he sang some really old 80's songs.. justin was not bad.. but he definetly needs to learn some new moves for when he's singing.. he only knows how to do the "move your hands" and " close your eyes" and "pretend to be all emotional" .. haha..

2nd was just a few hours ago.. netvigator let's MOOV 2006.. it had aaron kwok, denise ho, twins, fong dai tong, stephanie cheng, sun shine boyz, EO2.. pretty good concert.. a lil pissed off tho.. my brother was an ass and took the vip backstage pass and went in by myself and left me and my cousin stranded to leave by ourselves.. urgh.. and then he got to take pics of the celebs backstage and at the afterstage party...i took 300+ pics which i'll upload later .. along with the 903id concert pics

went out for dinner on wednesday @ wasaka in mong kok with some co-workers the other day.. had lots of fun.. drinks.. sushi.. good times.. good times

went out for dinner last night with some friends of last year.. its interesting to see what can happen after a year.. so many things change in ppl's lives..

tommorow.. lunch with grans and family.. hk book fair

aug 1... cousin is having a quick wedding before she leaves for seatle..
aug 4... cousins family wedding dinner.. and then the official dinner april 24th.. hopefully exams start and finish sooner than that.. or i'll miss a fun wedding.

then

work work work some more.. till the end of august..

3rd concert of the year.. MY FAVOURITE!!!!!! so excited. aug 25/26 LEE HOM!!! live in HK!!!!! yeah YEAH YEAH!!! so far i have row 16, section 58.. which is kinda decent.. but not the best.. i'm waiting till my cousin's can get me better ones.. 300+ pics at a concert with only a few ppl i like.. imagine me at WANG LEE HOM!!!!!! i will have like 8 cameras.. and 20GBS of memory card.. i will be insanely crazy..

check www.bobotheoboe.myphotoalbum.com after toronto monday night.. and you should see over 400 somthin pics of the concert plus lots of other pics from the summer..

omg.. surprise exciting day ..

started off really really shitty. spain lost. so i was definetly pissed off..

game ended at like 4 almost 5am.. went to bed. woke up around 10..

went for breakfast at flying pan with eudora.. went to look at some comp stuff.. and then went to my cousin's store in wanchai..where we did some shopping.. clothes n jewelerry..

went to pacific place at admiralty.. the both of us are so excited and happy to see lots of pretty clothes and pretty brand names..

and the best thing happens.. we walk into zara. look at some clothes.. and then i notice margaret chung behind me!!!! and then i being the biggest loser.. especially a big celebrity loser.. start like freaking out.. and i'm like.. OMG eudora eudora.. look look.. and its margaret chung.. OMG she's even prettier in real life i find.. and she's skinny.. but not like those disgusting uber skinny hk girls.. she's like healthy skinny... prolly from all the yoga she teaches.. my cousin says she teaches yoga around the area..

and we ask her for a picture. and she was so nice and she talked to us.. we were like.. we're from toronto.. can we have our picture taken with u? i knew she was from canada.. but i wasnt 100% sure if she was from toronto. but she was.. and she was really nice. she was like askin us oh. are u guys back for summer vacation.. she was so so so nice!!!!

definetly made my day..

but then my day went downhill from there.. i left for work around 430ish after shopping with eudora.. on the way to work.. my eye started to killl..

my contacts were dying. and they kept on killing my eyes for the following 4 hours. where i honestly felt as if my eyes were gonna fall out..desite my washing and eye drops.. nothing works.. so i finally get home. and take out my contacts.. my eye is all completely red and swollen.. and it still is..

i have a feeling that i kinda scractched my eyes with my contacts.. and with all the stupid germs in hk.. i'm starting to get an infeciton in my eye...

which will totally sux.. urgh..

but leaving with a pretty picture.. so happy.. eudora's looks better tho. her camera on her cell has better quality.. so hers is nicer.. but still so happy with mine!!!

quite the eventful day today..

started off with 2 classes at work..one of which was horrible.. one of the kids was insanely out of control.. so bad that his maid had to come in and carry him home.. waaa...

then lunch at festival walk in kowloon tong where i saw.. lee san san.. sister to jan lam.. i was walking back towards the kcr to take the bus up to work and she was walking towards my direction.. very kewl.. first celebrity citing so far..

then another 2 classes.. then went to sing k with tracy.. sang all my songs!! yeah yeah!! sang from like 5-8..

then went to mong kok where we engorged ourself with street food..man i luv "smelly" tofu, and curry fish balls, and cheung fun, and ooh.. my fav summer drink .. hui lau san.. mango tapoica drink.. yum yum.. walked around.. got another piercing..

yes yes thats rite.. a 7th piercing..

total imbalance now.. 5 on my right ear.. and 2 on my left ear..

planning on going one more on my left ear and a stud on my nose before the summer comes to an end..

also got some earrings.. and while at mong kok.. saw my fave jap cartoon character.. the lil ink ball from Totoro.. they have him now.. by himself!! yeah!! i luv that thing.. its so cute.. but a lil pricey.. $138 for one lil small-sized pin up in car figure..

went to temple street.. had my fortune told by a bird.. haha. mad funny.. had some yummy food... man i luv mong kok.. so totally luv the hk streets...

took the mtr home.. watched the germany-sweden game.. yeah yeah yeah.. germany won.. can't wait till monday nite.. spain-france.. SPAIN better damn ass win!!!

mid-nite snack courtesty of 7-11.. all too lazy to go out to cway bay to actually eat.. gonna watch the argentina-mexico game at 3am.. then sleep for a few hours.. work from 1030-1230.. come home.. eat lunch.. then sleep til mid-afternoon...

so theres my eventful day.. woohoo